Riding the Wave of Realization

It's been quite a while since my last blog post.  Our little girl is two and a half now, and we've all been very busy.  However, I finally had some time to type up all of the scribbled on pieces of paper I have.  Below is the result of transcribing those notes.  I'm sure much of this has been written before, but these words came through me at a personal level for what I was experiencing at that moment.  My hope is that you will find some of these snippets beneficial in your search for what ever it is you search for :)

Much Love,

Trey

Riding the Wave of Realization

I realized lately that my default operating system is one based on Fear of Being Judged

Ego has to know exactly what's going on now, and wants to know what's going to happen next.  In order to do that, it has to search out all of the possible outcomes mentally, latching on to one that sounds the best (or worst).

This is what Life wants for me, right now.

The only one judging you is you. So what if you're nuts?  We all are, we're just too afraid to show it.  Which makes us totally nuts - cut off from our freedom.  Like Life in prison with no chance of parole.  Be true to yourself.  Be the Light that says, "This is the way it could Be for you if you are willing to be free." 

Dance with reckless abandon :)

The teacher is the taught.

Stories wanting to be told. Recurring thoughts and feelings wanting to be met. What do I say to them, calling for my attention?  Come, you are welcome here.  Allow it, but don't believe it.  What's it really saying?  They're all just saying I love you and want to be with you.

In order for anything to exist, there has to be more than One.

MaryJane has been an extremely powerful spiritual teacher (as is intended) in my Life, because she has shown me that EVERYTHING has been a powerful teacher in my Life.

Hopping on a Plane Alone (poem)

Freedom

Surrender

Bliss

Trust

Love

Leela

The play of Life.

Watching it all unfold.

InJoying every minute of it.

Fear of judgment from supposed "others," changes my behavior to adjust to what I think they think.

Vegas on My Mind

There is no such thing as a dark cloud when seen from above.

They are all on their own little adventure.  Question your thoughts on what they "should" be doing?

Open Mind Test

Change a belief for 30 seconds.  Believe the opposite for a moment.  See what it feels like. Then step back into your old belief and see how that feels.  Don't get analytical about it.  Just feel it, without judgment.

A fear of loss accompanies each feeling of joy.

Words that mean nothing

Being written by my hands

Shapes coming together

So you can understand

It means nothing

Judgment is neither bad nor good.  It just is.

It functions by itself, without m doing.  I watch with wonder and curiosity. Where is this thing going?

The wisest people know nothing.

I set the tone for everything I experience.

MaryJane - Effects - friendlier, kinder, light hearted, alert. Desire to mellow, meditate, move around, watch TV, be present with what is in an accepting way. 

Curbed only by compassion.

Contemplate, "Stripped of aspiration."  Feel it.  There is nothing wrong with experiencing it for a moment or two.

The ego is afraid to ask questions.  Heart knows there are none.

When you find yourself judging yourself, notice and laugh.

It's all unraveling as it should.

Agree. Appreciate. Acknowledge, Accept.

Normalcy blinds.

Worrying about what others think hurts physically and emotionally.  Being okay with it heals.

I don't know how to Be in this space when fully present.

Action vs. Thought - Which comes first?

Ask yourself, "What does Spirit feel like?"  Look at that animating force.

Life is full of necessary distractions.

Take a breath and shake it off.

What if it's not an insult, but stating a fact.

Cause of Seizures

Hesitation

Reluctance

Judgment

Pleasing others

Feeling conflicted

in short, All Stories

Intentional struggling.

Like it or not.

Riding the Wave of Realization: Fear, Doubt, Love and Trust

My wish for my Daughter - May she grow to know the True Self

Escape into reality

Why am I thinking?

Trying to make it look new, when it already is.

Don't have a preconceived notion about what it "should" be like.

Chasing demons, like the fear of being present.

Chasing newness.  Look away and then back. It's new again.

Isn't it trippy?

The story makes it so.

Fear can turn into Bliss

Even if you think it has failed you, trust in Life.  It never ended up like we thought it would, and we're still here.

Teacher - someone who shows you something you didn't know, or didn't know that you already knew.

You made that happen by coming to that conclusion in your mind.  The mind sees what it wants to see.

With no story, it doesn't exist

Work related reminder - They'll just have to deal with it :)

Stop thoughts to see what is to be seen.

What if it doesn't happen on its own?  Am I helping?

The ultimate surrender is the ego's final recognition that is is a Lie.

Ego is past.  Balled up beliefs that shape a personality.

Belief - BeLIEf

I'm along for the ride.

Don't be the DJ of your life. Be the witness of the DJ.

Sadness - losing touch with what you thought reality was.

Trying to suppress our own happiness.  For what?

Accomplishing things makes me feel good, but to remain happy I would need to keep creating tasks to complete.

A sense of obligation keeps us stuck.

Recognize that All is perfect, first hand.  Your birthright is to know this.

You must become who you hate to know Love. You must love them for they are you.  And you're the only Love we've got.

Hide and Seek with God - Hiding in plain sight, pretending not to know for the pure Joy of finding.

That's just another manifestation of me.

You take your perceived judgments of others to be who YOU are.

What do "they" see without "their" judgments of you?

Stop pretending that they are judging you at all.

There is nothing spiritual about finding happiness (or seeking it). It's just a spiritual experience when you find True Happiness.

Spend some quiet time by yourself when you get a chance to get in tune again with silence.

We keep coming back to the old way of doing things.  We've been taught to communicate that way.  And we rejoin people where they are, pretending to be something we're not.

Meet yourself in another.

Be still.  Don't follow thoughts.  Listen.  Breath.  Smile.

Poof - you're awake :)

Am I a spy?

This is a highly intelligent body.  It's been keeping me alive for years without me.

Curiosity Killed the Ego

I've been reading (digesting really) this great book called, What's In the Way IS the Way, by Mary O'Malley and have really enjoyed her fresh take on Awakening.  The book is beautifully written, and has many places to stop and experience what you're reading throughout the book.  I've also been re-reminded about the power of just putting a question out, without looking for an answer, and allowing an answer appear.  As a result I've become more comfortable with letting Life do the driving (that it's doing anyway).

But I think one of the most powerful part of the teaching is the art of bringing compassionate curiosity to your present experience.  This sheds light on those stories that have been running us for so many years by honoring them.  Curiosity is a very powerful tool for self inquiry, so just using that nonjudgemental curiosity puts awareness back on itSelf.  Though Mary doesn't come out and say it, this is why curiosity kills the ego.  Unlike the cat, though, satisfaction ensures it is dead :)

I love this book like I love Power of Now and Loving What Is (I'm a big Tolle and Katie fan).  Hopefully you'll pick up a copy and check it out.

I had the great pleasure of interviewing Mary recently and would like to share it with you.  My apologies in advance of the quality of the video as I was experiencing some connection speed issues  I have also included the audio version of the interview.  I hope you In-Joy.

Mary O'Malley Interview (MP3)

Mountains out of Mole Hills

I hope you are enjoying the long days of Summer.  I love seeing the sunset at 9:00 at night and it feeling like room temperature in the evenings.  Anyway, I felt compelled to write something that might help someone in some way.  I hope you enjoy.

"Don't sweat the little stuff." What great advice.  How do you know if it's little stuff?  First, ask yourself, "Will this be important tomorrow?"  If not, then it's probably one of countless fleeting moments in a day that does not need your stress to fix (as if stress ever fixed anything).

Getting fixated on the little stuff is very habit forming, and possibly life shortening if the negativity becomes prevalent throughout each day.  We can't really help it, though.  Our past conditioning leads us to act in certain ways that feel familiar, even when they are destructive.  Many people, who have been exposed to frustration since they were young, are subconsciously looking for the least little thing to make a big deal out of because that's what they know.

One way out of making mountains out of mole hills is to pause before reacting.  All it takes is a few seconds, which may be difficult to do at first, but that brief pause may let in just a tad bit of clarity.  If the pause is long enough to look at the situation at face value, then that's all the better.  When there's room for a question in that pause, try a few different ones to see what suits you.  It may be highly situational, but here are a few that might help.

Will this matter later? Does this even matter now?  Is it that important to get upset over?  Will reacting this way make any difference?  Does this situation even need a response?  Would it hurt to remain silent?  What if I just let it go?  What if this situation is actually for the best?  Am I over reacting? Is anyone really being hurt by this?  Am I making things worse by reacting this way?

Don't forget the old saying, "There's no sense in crying over spilled milk."  Being upset about something that's already happened can't change a thing.  But if you can pause before a reaction, you might be able to change everything.  Even if you have already reacted out of habit, you can go back to these questions after the fact to see if your reaction was disproportionate to the event.  Hindsight is 20/20 and you can learn a lot from your mis-takes that will affect how you deal with similar situations in the future.

This only works if you are open to change and willing to entertain the idea that you may be making a big deal out of nothing from time to time.  It may take a close friend or loved one to tell you that, and it may not be well received.  But if you're feeling stressed out a lot, let me be the one to tell you that you are taking things too seriously.  Don't be so hard on yourself/others.  We're all doing the best we can, and that's not going to change regardless of what you do about it.

Take it easier :)

Trey

11:11 - You're Headed the Right Way

I've been seeing a lot of repeating numbers lately, on clocks and various other places (i.e. 11:11, 2:22, 5:55, etc.). It has been going on for quite some time, but has escalated recently to around 5 times a day. Rather than ascribe a superstitious meaning to it, which there may very well be, I use it as a reminder. My reminder for the last week has been, "You're headed the right way." We're always headed the right way, even if it seems as though we're lost. This is just a nice tool to enjoy a Life that is encouraging rather than fearful. Since Life wants me to feel that Love, it's giving me more signs that she can be trusted (hence the escalation of repeating numbers). Now that I've been doing it a while, every time I look at the clock I remind myself, "You're headed the right way." Then it doesn't matter what the clock says.

Judge Not

Dear Family and Friends,

I've been wanting to put something out about judgement lately to shed light on this quote from the Bible, "Judge not, that ye may not be judged (Matthew 7:1)."  Interpreted one way, this implies that "God" is very judgmental (a common theme in Christianity), but, looked at another way, it actually has to do with the mirror effect of Life.  When you judge another, you are actually judging yourself, for what you see outside of yourself is just a reflection of what's going on inside of you.  Another popular analogy involves the use of a pointed finger with the illustration that when I point my finger at another there are still three fingers pointing back at me.

We live our lives in fear of being judged poorly by others (or God), mainly because we started being judged from a very young age.  A lot of it happens when we are enter school and begin being tested, scored, looked at for certain aptitudes, etc.  Often times these forms of judgments carry negative outcomes, which guides us in the direction of trying to please others.  The trick is that we never really know how others see us, so we try to predict or interpret how we "think" others judge us to be.  But we can never really know what's going on in another person's mind.  Even if they tell us what they think, that's being filtered through their own fear of being judged.

We have a few key figures in our lives, such as partners, family members, etc., that we think we know so well that we are absolutely sure what they will think of something we do or say.  But that person is actually a figment of our imagination based on our past experience with him or her.  We see our judgments about him or her instead of who they really are, and we put our self judgements in their mind so that we're seeing a shadow of ourselves in others.

In addition to the key would-be judges in our lives, we also have generic shadow figures that are conglomerates of different segments of society.  These shadows represent people of similar or different nationalities, sub-groups, personalities, etc.  We craft an identity for them based on our judgments of them and ourselves.  "Knowing" how another person sees us, based solely on past experience, gives us the ability to respond accordingly.  The response is basically defending ourselves from negative judgment, whether that means we try to better ourselves or we lash out in a defensive manner to protect the ego.

The fear of being judged is so ingrained in us that it's barely noticeable.  It's almost like each move we make is instantaneously judged by ourselves and our shadow people.  This also explains why God has been seen by many as judgmental.  We created God in our image because that's all we knew.  We can't see what we don't know, which is why there has to be an element of ourselves in everyone we see.  But, rather than debate what God really is, my hope is to shed light on one of the core dysfunctions we share as human beings.

So, "What's the solution to this dysfunctional thinking?" you might wonder.  First, know that you are projecting on another when you judge them in any way. If the finger pointing trick makes a good reminder, by all means use it.

Then, when you notice yourself judging, stay out of a "judgement loop" where you judge yourself for being judgmental.  That's like beating yourself up for being human.  Instead, you can learn a lot about yourself through your judgements of others.

Also, be open to the possibility that you are completely wrong as you examine your judgments about others and how they might be judging you.  The end game, so to speak, is the realization that you are completely safe from judgment.  Even if a person openly states a negative judgment toward you, they have just told you something about themselves that they haven't realized yet.  But that's for them to discover on their own and not your job to point out (unless you feel like an argument).  In other words, you're the only one capable of judging yourself and everyone else is just running around judging themselves, too.

Basically, don't take anything personally and don't assume you're right about everything.

Namaste (I bow to the Divine in you),

I Want: The Birth of Desire

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope you and yours are doing well.  Spring is in the air now, I think.  We’ve been teased a bit here in WNC with dramatic swings in temperatures, but the flowers are waking up and reminding us it’s time for us to do the same :)

So, in case you hadn’t heard, our little Adorabella is almost two years old (hard to believe I know), and is learning the ropes of being a human.  She is talking up a storm and it’s so much fun to listen to her pronounce things.  It’s like she has a foreign accent that you can put your finger on, but she picks up on words so quickly.  She’s a happy little sponge and loves to have fun singing, dancing, smiling, making funny noises, laughing, and let’s not forget crying.  Despite what a happy toddler she is, she has her moments of frustration.  The underlying cause seems to be the “desire” for something other than what’s happening at a given moment.

As best as I can tell, desire is born very early and just gets stronger and more well refined.  At first it’s just preferences (i.e. I like this, not so much that).  Then, entertaining activities enter the picture, like things that she seemingly can’t get enough of.  For example, after we had our first big snow (which she loved), all she could say was, “I want walk snow all day.”  She said this for weeks despite the disappearance of the snow.  She would wake up and look out the window and say, “Hi snow,” even after it had all melted.  It was sooo cute.  She seemed okay with the snow leaving because we didn’t make a big deal out of it.

However, at a certain point desire brings on some attitude.  “I want...” is the way our little girl begins most of her sentences these days.  In some cases, if the want isn’t satisfied, screaming and crying can occur.  That’s never fun, but it comes with the territory, and we’re all learning how to cope with a life that doesn’t always give us what we want.  The only difference is that most adults don’t scream and cry if they can’t go watch DeeDee (Daniel Tiger) with Uncle NoNo (Shelby’s brother Norn).

It’s interesting to see the development of desire through an infant’s eyes.  There can be such great intensity behind not getting what they want, and it’s just a magnified version of the human adult’s reaction.  By the time we’re older, we’ve mostly toned it down a bit because we learn that we don’t get what we want by screaming and crying about it.  In general, we’re taught to ask nicely for things and learn new ways of getting what we want (maybe even by being manipulative).  Ultimately we become more civilized, but we are still adversely affected when all of our efforts fail to bring about the desired outcome.

Maybe I’m naive, but I think humankind has become worn down enough by not getting what we want for so long that we’re ready to be done with the pain that that causes.  That readiness, that ripeness, is where real change can happen.  When we run out of answers, when nothing we do seems to do any good, we may decide to open ourselves up to the unthinkable – give up on desires.  We’ve been crafting them since we were knee high to a grasshopper, so that’s a tough pill to swallow.  Our desires have become ingrained in who we think we are, so you may need to be at the end of your rope before you even consider giving up.  Plus, once you’re ready to give up, it may be too scary or you may not even know how.

Here is what I can offer if you are up to the challenge.  Things are not as bad as you think.  Not getting what you want is more important than getting what you want.  You are not being mistreated or punished by anyone other than yourself.  Take a close look at a desire that seems out of reach and see if it’s actually a need or just a want.  What’s the worst thing that could happen if a desire is not met?  How would you feel if you wanted what you already had?  How would you feel if you didn’t want anything other than what you have right now?  Would you feel complete?  Pick a desire and take a deep look at this.

The mind’s job is to step in here and say, “Without desire I wouldn’t have anything to work toward.  I wouldn’t get anything done.  I’d be stuck, complacent, etc.”  What if your mind is completely wrong about all of this stuff?  Have you ever been wrong about anything?  Be honest now.  What if Life has your best interest at heart and will not steer you wrong?  What if you can’t steer at all?  Can you trust Life enough to let it do the steering?  It already is, afterall.

There is nothing wrong with desire, but if you get too attached to the outcome it can lead to stress and suffering when things don’t work out.  Desires come and go whether you like it or not, so let a desire serve as a sign post and watch to see if it was meant to be attained or not.  If not, no big deal.  You’ve just gained more insight by not getting what you want, and Life may have created a new direction for you, which has it’s own sense of desire.  Life’s desire for you is for you to stop making your happiness contingent on attaining some future goal and to be happy Now.  Everything else will fall into place just as it should and when it should.  Trust me ;)

Yours Truly,

Trey

Living with the Buddha

I have been using a mantra of sorts lately when I'm feeling a bit stressed out by "others" -- "I am living with the Buddha." This applies to your significant others, or people that you only see on occasion. When you are encountering someone, you are living with them in that moment, and they are your teacher. And, as with various approaches to teaching Zen, the form of the teaching can vary from a compassionate embrace to a yelling drill Sargent. When you feel at odds with what is being encountered, try reminding yourself that you are living with, and being confronted by the Buddha. Their mission, even if they are unaware, is to get you to "wake up," which is to say realize that your beliefs about what "should" and "shouldn't" be are what holds you back from realizing the peace that lies prior to judgment. Welcome the teaching in whatever form it takes, and gratitude replaces attitude.

Be well,
Trey

A Few Simple Steps: The List

It came to me to compile steps that may be useful to the growing number of people seeking to know them Selves, or to Awaken, become Enlightened, or just get some damn peace.  We’ll just call it “The List” for the sake of ease.  Hopefully these will help “you” as much as they did “me.” (Preface everything with “In my experience.”)

1. Notice - Practicing mindfulness, or becoming the witness of your thoughts, is one of the most powerful things you can do (or not do).  It seems like it takes work to start paying attention to the thoughts you have always been so attached to, but it’s less of a doing and more of an allowing.

2. Allow -  When something (a life event of some sort) happens, we automatically allow and recognize it right away.  Judgement comes a second later to, inadvertently, disguise that something as good or bad.  That’s where the change happens and a story is born that takes you further from the truth.  Knowing that you already allow everything isn’t enough, though, because judgments are what the unconscious mind is made up of.  We have to consciously accept the things that would ordinarily upset us in order to transcend judgments.  To do so we witness our thoughts, or physical reactive patterns, and train ourselves to notice those cues from the Universe.  This is also part of the witnessing (re)training program.

3. Accept - At first I thought Accept and Allow were the same, but there is a fine line distinguishing the two of them.  Allowing means that you’re admitting that what has been done, has been done, which can leave one feeling a bit detached.  This is like the phrase, “It is what it is,” that I’ve been hearing lately.  I find it encouraging to see a more non-judgmental way of thinking manifesting through this simple phrase, but full acceptance is deeper than that.  In full acceptance, the true depth of the inevitability and necessity of this moment is experienced.  A relaxation occurs naturally as we realize the fruitlessness of arguing with what has already happened.  Regardless of what we believe, it had to be this way, right here, right now.  From this realization, a sense of appreciation or gratitude can arise naturally.  Not necessarily gratitude for what’s happened, but a gratitude for the realization that it had to be this way, and that no amount of trying on your part could have made a difference.  What a relief.  Now I can be more present and not dwell on the past.

4. Present moment awareness - Acceptance applies to the Nowness of the present moment, the isness of Now.  The thing is, the Now is the only thing that can be fully accepted because there is no room for judgment in the present moment.  When it comes to practicing being present in your life, there appears to be a continuum of depth.  First, we use mindfulness to recognize when we are playing out past and future in our minds, then bring our attention back to the Now.  This helps us create more peace by gradually disassociating from the stories we tell ourselves.  On a deeper level, when we are Fully Present, judgment ceases to exist and everything is seen as being new and fresh, totally unclouded by the past.  Then, and only then, can the miraculousness of an ever changing world be fully recognized.  The Joy of Being is born out of the recognition that nothing is real outside of this moment.

5. Remember - It seems almost contradictory to remember (Latin root “Call to Mind”) to be present because it uses our “mind” to look at what’s beyond it.  But the mind is an indispensable tool, even when it comes to transcending itself.  Realizations, awakenings, etc., become tangible thoughts that can be conveyed in words, even if the words fall short of the simplicity of Now.  “Just this.”  Remember that there is just This.  You are always fully present and aware of your existence.  We’ve been in forgotten mode so long that it feels like we never knew it to begin with.  Just remember the simplest pointer(s) that work for you.  They will undoubtedly change as the journey unravels before you.  Leave yourself notes if you need to, just to remind yourself that all there is is Now, and that all is well.  Always!

6. Gratitude - There is so much in this Universe to be grateful for that you don’t have to look far to find 10 things.  The mere existence of this planet is miraculous, not to mention that you exist to enjoy it.  Even if you find something “wrong” or “bad” about a given situation in your life, from terrorist attacks to car accidents, it is impossible not to find something positive that came from that.  Once you start to see the “silver lining” you start seeing it everywhere.  Gratitude for your pure existence is enough, but your existence is not separate from the existence of the whole, which means gratitude becomes universal.  Look at the silver lining without feeling guilty about overlooking the “negative” in any situation.  There are enough people around to focus on the negative.  Let them do their job.  They don’t need your help.

7. Compassion - It comes with the understanding that things could not be any other way.  People could not be any way other than they are.  If “you” were in “their” shoes, having experienced their life, then you would be doing/saying exactly the same thing.  When we’re unconscious, we are just playing out a story and have no choice to change it, even if we pretend to.  You are them, and they are you.  The Awareness that is looking through your eyes right now, is the same Awareness that is looking through their eyes right now.  The shell and the mind are the only differences.  Compassion and empathy are at your finger tips at all times.  A simple shift in awareness is all it takes to forgive all.

8. Stopping - What’s the hurry?  Stop frequently, if only for a split second.  Waiting half a second before responding to someone can dramatically improve communication.  It’s not like stopping to think about what you are going to do or say, though that might happen.  It’s about breaking routine and habitual action.  That momentary pause gives us a quick dip into presence, which allows a lot more positive actions to manifest.  Take a deep breath if it helps bring the world to a seeming halt.  Take frequent stop breaks throughout the day, a couple of seconds here and there just to be still (mentally and physically).

9. Self Forgiveness - Spiritual seekers (a.k.a. people who want to be happy) may find a road map in the form of words from a spiritual teacher, and that be just what they need.  We seem to stumble upon teachings right when we need them, and we pick up the ones that resonate with us and leave the rest.  In a lot of cases, we continue to follow the map, memorize it, look beyond it, find what we’re looking for, then apparently lose what we were looking for.  Foretastes, glimpses, aha moments, awakenings, realizations, whatever you want to call experiencing Reality, leaves one with the knowing.  That knowing then gets used as a yard stick to judge our current situation.  If we’re not living that realization, then we don’t feel like we have it.  Even if someone tells you that “it” can’t be lost, it may serve as a further damper on things because that is not your experience.  The end result can vary from total disillusionment to disappointment to depression, or it can lead to a deeper level of acceptance and self forgiveness.  Like it or not, it has to be this way.  Your stress, anxiety, anger, fear, frustration, all emanate from a place of resistance to the way things are, and in many cases the way “you” are.  When you’re an Ass and you know better, when you find yourself being judgmental, when you lash out, when you do stupid things, it’s important to remember that those things are also necessary parts of your path. Welcoming even your ugliest parts of yourself brings about peace.  In fact, there’s no other way to.  You have to accept and forgive your unconscious behavior, in order to overcome those last pockets of resistence that hide out in self judgment.  Accepting what is, doesn’t stop “out there.”  It’s ALL inclusive.

10. Commitment - It seems at times like there is an insurmountable amount of mind identification going on, and that we are constantly getting sucked back into our egoic behavioral patterns.  As previously mentioned, that can lead to disillusionment unless accepted as part of your journey.  Constantly seeking anything, whether it be the present moment or self acceptance, can lead to burn out.  The thing is, you don’t have a choice but to continue doing what you’re doing.  If you’re reading these words, then you have already been bitten by the “enlightenment bug.”  You’re already committed to “waking up.”  You’re committed to giving up a great deal, especially the seeking itself.  Make a conscious commitment to allow Life to guide you.  Commit to surrender your beliefs in the name of Truth.  Commit to it ALL.

Mom's Memorial Service

Dear Mom,

I will always love you.  I will always remember you.  I will always cherish you.  I will always be grateful to you.  You have always been my number one supporter, and given me everything I could possibly want. 

Your teachings have had a profound impact on the person I have become.  Your creativity, your intelligence, your strength, your love and kindness, have served as an example of what it is to be a work of art. 

Your legacy of love will carry on, and I will be sure that your Grand daughter knows all about you.  I'm so glad you got to meet her and spend time with her while you were here.  I loved watching you smile at her.  I'll always remember that look of pure joy.  Now that I'm experiencing parenthood, I have a new appreciation for that joy.

Thank you for giving me life.  Without you, I wouldn't be here.  Without my Dad I wouldn't be here.  Without your love for one another, I wouldn't be here.  How fortunate for me to have soul mates as parents.  The Universe must really like me :)

My mission lately has been to develop a trust in Life that enables me to accept whatever it may bring.  I feel that developing this trust in Life is much easier if you are brought up in a home that's safe and supportive, so in a way I have had a leg up in this mission.

However, regardless of how safe and supportive home life is, there is a big world out there full of people who weren't brought up by such a loving couple.  It can be extremely challenging to maintain a high level of trust in Life once you've been around the playground a time or two.

But Love is my foundation, and years of covering it up with layers of protection can't change that.  Now that I'm old enough and wise enough to see that I have been covering up that Love that I was born into, I am peeling back the layers to rediscover the core Love that we all share.  That takes a lot of trust. 

We have to trust that Life will be gentle with us as we become more vulnerable to it, as we gently surrender to it.  We can be told that Life is trustworthy, and that it has our best interest at heart, but we ultimately have to find out on our own if that's true.

Inevitably, as we begin to put more trust in Life, something happens to throw us off.  My Mom's initial diagnosis with cancer was a prime example.  We were all very frightened when they found out because my Mom was in kidney failure and on death's doorstep.  Despite the fatalistic view of some doctors at the time, she recovered to a large extent and was able to live for another year and a half.  It's things like this that can shake our trust, but we need those challenges to help foster trust.

Over the last several years, I have learned that trusting Life is what makes it trustworthy.  We create the world we see, and we can either see it as it truly is, from an open and trusting point of view, or we can see it as a dangerous and threatening place from the point of view of distrust. 

In a way, the only control we have in this Life is the point of view we take.  Life is going to have its way with us whether we like it or not.  That's just what Life does.  The only choice we have in the matter is Accept or Resist.  In other words to trust or not to trust.

When we are reminded of how little control over Life we have, as often happens when a loved one passes away, it may create a heightened sense of fear, sadness and frustration.  However, these reminders also create an opening for acceptance and trust to come in when we recognize the necessity of it all. 

After all, if it has already happened, it was necessary.  There is nothing we can do to change it, and there is nothing we could have done differently that could have changed it.  Everything that happens is absolutely necessary, and when you accept that, you, in effect, accept everything for what it is, which is the secret to inner peace.

There are some important lessons here.  If you are ready to be more at peace with whatever Life throws your way, the first thing is to know that you CAN be at peace during any given situation.  The second thing is to realize that you might not want to be at peace during certain situations, which is perfectly fine, too. 

Thirdly, your resistance to certain situations is also part of what is necessary.  This is one of the key pieces to the puzzle of our return home to that place of trust and of Love - accept your resistance when that is part of your current experience.

Be compassionate toward that part of you that hates the way things are.  What you are experiencing, whether we call it "good" or "bad" is necessary for your personal growth.  Surprisingly enough, when you accept your own resistance, it no longer feels like resistance anymore.

Be kind to yourself.  Don't hold yourself to some standard.  Don't deny the unavoidableness of this moment.  Allow room for the idea that Life has your best interest at heart, and that it's always kinder than you think.  Allow yourself to surrender to Life once in a while when it seems like there are no alternatives.  See what trust feels like when you're in a stressful situation.

My Mother made these words possible.  Were it not for her, you would not be receiving this invitation to trust again right now.  Much good has come from her life, and much good will continue to come even beyond her death.  This is just a small taste of what she would have wanted you to hear.

I love you Mom,

Trey

PS - For more information about my Mom, JoAnn Carland, please visit www.carlandfoundation.org/JoAnn.html

Watch Your Language

Well, Adorabella (as I like to call her) is 14 months old now, and walking all over the place.  She also wants complete free roam of the house, which means following her everywhere.  She’s a pure joy, but it is quite challenging to get things done as a work at home Dad in an environment with a baby who doesn’t believe in naps.  It’s all a big learning game that I’m sure will never end, and we are very fortunate to have such a happy baby.  We take her everywhere and she just loves to smile and wave at everyone she sees.  It’s great to see the faces of other people just light up when they see her.  Not a day goes by that she doesn’t brighten the day of a complete stranger (many of whom actually say so).  And, not a day goes by that I don’t marvel at her mere existence, much less her unbelievable preciousness.

I could go on and on, and Shelby has thousands of pictures of Adorabella on Facebook, but just to give you a small taste of how beautiful our little girl is, here is a link to pictures from a photo shoot done when she turned a year old - http://www.reginaholder.net/izabella1yo/.  Believe it or not, she keeps getting cuter :)

Anyway, though she isn’t speaking much English at this point (gibberish is our favorite language right now), she understands a great deal.  She knows all sorts of words and some sign language to boot.  We have learned to be careful what we say out loud and spell things from time to time when we don’t want her to pick up on something.  It’s really mind blowing how smart she is and how quickly she absorbs things.  You can almost see the new neural pathways being built as she moves about.

At this point, one of the logical issues that needs to be addressed is what words would we like her not to say once she graduates from gibberish.  I typically don’t swear much except when I drop something or injure myself in some way.  However, Shelby thinks we need to avoid profanity altogether, which takes me back to my youth when I decided I could say anything I wanted.  My rationale was that words were simply vibrations of the vocal chords given meaning by someone hundreds of years ago.  The meaning of those words was passed on from generation to generation and more words were added.  Somewhere along the way, certain words were deemed rude by someone and that rumor was passed on until it became widespread.  Today we have a list of words in the English language that are considered profane or vulgar.

In my youth I would have thought it silly to pass on such lessons to the newer generation, but now I’m faced with the reality that what I consider appropriate and what general society consider appropriate need to be balanced.  That’s just the nature of teaching our kids how to get along in the world, which means I have to find other words to use when I would ordinarily cuss (or curse if you prefer).  Right now I’m trying to use the word “bleep” in situations that need some added emphasis.

Then, of course, there is the teaching of basic language and what we say when we refer to things.  For example, we have dogs so she knows what the word dog refers to.  However, there are also stuffed dogs, plastic toy dogs, pictures of dogs in books, etc.  For me, this is where the potential for confusion comes in.  We are referring to all of these things as dogs, which basically means we are lying to her.  It seems like it would be confusing when we say “Look at the doggie,” pointing to a four legged creature covered with fur standing next to her, then turn to a book or a toy and do the same thing.  I’m sure she will reconcile the discrepancy sooner rather than later, but it reminded me that language is where we start losing site of what’s real.

Though it’s necessary for us to tell little white lies in order for Adorabella to get along in the world, the end result could be covering up everything she currently experiences with wide eyed innocence with words.  As we label everything for her, the world of mystery and wonder starts getting intertwined with words.  A dog is not really a dog.  Dog is a word invented by some Latin guy (I think they invented most of the words we use today) and passed on as truth.  The truth is that a dog is a beautiful being that a word doesn’t do justice.  But we have to call it something, until we don’t.  At some point we can unwind the labels from the objects so that we can again see things from that place of wonder.  When you drop the stories and labels covering up reality, then enlightened being is able to flourish.  Basically we have to learn the language, then unlearn it, as in recognize words for what they truly are – tools.

It’s interesting being a part of this long line of perpetrators who are passing on little white lies. We take what we were taught, customize it to our liking and pass it on.  Each generation gets to do the same thing, on and on.

The reminder here is to realize that words are actually hiding what’s real.  As Byron Katie likes to ask, “Who would you be without your story?”  What would a dog be if there wasn’t a name for such a thing?  Who would you be without a name?  I invite you to look at what’s hidden behind the labels we have for everything (including our selves) and do some unlearning of your own by loosening your grip on what you believe to be true.  All we have is an alphabet of letters arranged by, and given meaning to, by some ancient society.  Can we really believe that’s it?  What if there were no words for anything?  Then All is One.  No separation.  No distinction.  Even so, we never lose sight of the art of communication we learned as children.  We just see beyond the alphabet when we really look.

Word Up!

Trey

Practicing the Power of Now Workshop

Practicing the Power of Now Workshop

Building Present Moment Awareness

A workshop presented by Trey Carland, author of A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self
 
  ➢    Would you like to be more present in your life?
  ➢    Would you like to explore your True Nature?
  ➢    Are you interested in Enlightenment?
  ➢    Would you like to find more inner peace?

In this two hour workshop, Trey Carland, will assist you in exploring what it is like to be fully present, and to see what you truly are underneath all of the stories you have about yourself (and others).  Using simple meditation techniques, Self-inquiry and The Work, Trey will help guide you to That which you seek.  No prior knowledge of any spiritual teaching is required.

Trey has been a long time student of Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie, and has been facilitating the Awakening Practices Group since 2007.  He has experienced several awakenings over the years, and has both experiential understanding and intellectual knowledge of enlightened Being. 

Suggested donation is $15 and includes a free copy of Trey’s book. Register online at the link below (books will be given out at the workshop).

Please contact Trey if you plan to register on site and you will be put on the registration list: TreyCarland@gmail.com or 828-670-8283

Details:
      Wednesday, May 29, from 7:00 to 9:00 pm
      West Asheville Library
      942 Haywood Road
      Asheville, NC

Baby Steps

As I sit here, our daughter Izabella, who is now 9 months old, is crawling around the living room looking for ways to pull her self up to standing.  Iza, as Shelby likes to call her, is such a wonderful gift.  Not only do we get to revel in her discovering everything for the first time, but we get to see her smile and laugh.  Seeing her laugh is pure joy, and I’d like to quit my day job to become a full-time baby entertainer (though Shelby is much better at making her laugh).  She’s such a happy baby that we can take her out to the store and restaurants, and she will just smile at everyone until they smile back.  She leaves a wake of open hearts and love where ever she goes, and it’s such a beautiful thing to see.  Her smile is a gift to the Universe :)

As I watch her crawl and stand up (she’ll be walking very soon), it got me to thinking about what drives the developing baby.  What makes them tick?  Why do they crawl?  Why do they stand, walk, etc.?  My wife and I certainly are not teaching her things.  We’re just watching in awe as she develops these new abilities on her own.

Though scientists might explain this drive to move as genetic programming or some such thing, I see an invisible force that is driving us, guiding us to act.  That force is like a primordial intelligence that knows what needs to be done.  In the beginning, when we are too young to start formulating opinions or analyzing things, we just naturally go with the flow without questioning that intelligence.  But as we grow older, we begin to question that force, even resist its urges.  We may be encouraged to ignore the innate urges by our parents in situations where curiosity might put us in harm’s way.  Right now there are only a few things cropping up that we’re discouraging, such as pulling Mommy’s hair and trying to eat things that aren’t really edible (baby’s apparently like to explore things with their mouths).

The older we get, the more things we are guided to do or not do, which is based at least partly on our caregiver’s level of trust in that innate force that drives us all.  Therefore, this lack of trust in, we’ll just call it Life, gets passed down from one generation to the next.  But before parents go blaming themselves for raising children with a lack of trust in Life, it’s important to realize that one’s lack of trust in Life is also a crucial part of Life’s driving force.  Things are as they are because they could be no other way, and what is appearing now is what Life wants for us.

So, if you think that you “could” have or “should” have done something differently in the past, you are believing in a lie (interestingly enough the word “believe” has the word “lie” built into it).  That lie is that you know better than Life, and that you could have done a better job than Life had intended for you.  This is why reliving the past and playing the “What if things had been different?” game is a lose-lose proposition.

Like it or not, it had to be this way.  That’s why the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, and the like, are so crucial to obtaining the peace we all desire.  Tolle has summed up his teachings at one point or another by saying, “All you really have to do is accept this moment fully...”  That’s what Life wants for you.  Our mind comes in with its lack of trust and casts doubt on what may happen if we accept the unavoidable isness of this moment (i.e. we’ll never do anything to make changes in our lives, etc.), but that doubt, too, is part of Life’s plan for us.  We doubt because there is no other way – until there is the realization that there is another way.

If you’re reading these words, I suspect that you are making baby steps toward the innocence you had when you were born, when you had no choice but to trust Life because you knew no other way.  You’ve been introduced to the idea that there is another way, which is to live in alignment with Life.  You’ve already learned how to avoid touching hot stoves and how not to lick the floor, so set aside your distrust and let Life start doing the work for you – one baby step at a time.

Here’s a quote from my Notes on Inner Peace to ponder, “What if life is unfolding just as it is supposed to, and you didn’t have to make anything happen?  What if it has been making everything fall into place from the very beginning, without you needing to worry, ever?”

As Byron Katie likes to say, “Let Life live you. It does anyway.”

Peace, Love and Life to you,

Trey

Book Reading at Malaprop's Bookstore in Asheville, NC

Hey friends and family,

I haven't had time to write you with an update in a while now, but suffice it to say that Izabella is keeping us on our toes.  She's almost 9 months now, and crawling around like crazy.  She's trying to stand up on her own and will probably be taking her first steps within a week or so.  She's a beautiful, precious, little bundle of joy, and continues to be the light and love of our lives :)

I'll have more to report later, but in the meantime I wanted to share the exciting news (in case you haven't already heard).  This Sunday I will be doing a book reading/signing at Malaprop’s Bookstore in downtown Asheville at 3:00 pm.  If you're anywhere within a hundred mile radius or so, come on down.  I'll be joined by Prajna Ana, and Brian Piergrossi, who are both authors and spiritual teachers in the Asheville area.

I will be presenting selections from my book, “A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self.”  Prajna will be featuring her new book, “Dying Into This.”  And Brian will be featuring his book, “The Wow of the Now: Awakening To The Big Glow Within.”  The three of us share a passion for Awakening/Enlightenment/Self Realization and a desire to share that passion with the world.  It promises to be a very “enlightening” discussion.  More information on each of the books is included below.  I hope to see you there.

Much love,

Trey

PS - Please share this information with anyone you think might be interested.

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______________________________________________
A Seeker's Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self, by Trey Carland
- compassion-blog.blogspot.com
- www.facebook.com/trey.carland

PRESS RELEASE

Book Reading Event at Malaprop’s Bookstore in Downtown Asheville

Sunday, January 13th, at 3:00 pm

Please join Trey Carland, Prajna Ana, and Brian Piergrossi for a book reading and discussion on January 13th.

Trey will be presenting selections from his book, “A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace.”  Prajna will be featuring her new book, “Dying Into This.”  And Brian will be featuring his book, “The Wow of the Now: Awakening To The Big Glow Within.”  More information on each of the books is included below.

“A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self,” by Trey Carland

I believe my book is best described by Katie Davis, spiritual teacher and author of "Awake Joy: The Essence of Enlightenment" (www.katiedavis.org)

"A Seeker's Guide to Inner Peace" is a spiritual gem. I love this well written and intelligent book. The light of love, compassion and wisdom shines through every page. Trey Carland writes in a personable and pragmatic manner that is both kind and wise. The reader is fully engaged and one senses that they could be sitting in the same room with the author enjoying an open and honest conversation with a true Heart friend.
    The book is a journal of life situation encounters that reflect deep insights and realizations. They skillfully support the inner pathway to conscious freedom and inner peace. Throughout the book, Trey shares inspiring quotes, recommended books, helpful practices and meditations to meet those apparent obstacles the seeker meets. He then gently points toward the ever open doorway to the light that one genuinely is. The "Notes to Self" demonstrate a deeply contemplated life that is fully enriched by direct understanding. A Seeker's Guide is the seeker's choice." ~ Katie Davis

“The events in our lives serve as sign posts we can either choose to ignore or follow.  If we ignore them, we might end up driving in circles for a while, in which case we will encounter recurring themes.  If we pay attention and use our intuition as a guide, we might end up getting to our final destination in One Peace.” - Trey Carland


About the Author
Trey was born in Asheville, North Carolina, and currently lives in Candler, NC.  He is the co-founder of the Asheville Sangha online community (www.AshevilleSangha.com), which was developed for people interested in non-duality, self-realization, meditation, enlightenment, etc. He also facilitates the Awakening Practices Group, an Eckhart Tolle centered meditation/discussion group, in the Asheville area twice per month. Trey invites contact and exchange with anyone who feels a draw or a need. You can reach him and access his blog through his website (www.treycarland.com).


“Dying Into This” by Prajna Ana

We have reached a critical stage in our evolution. What is being asked of us now is to relate to each other from a higher state of consciousness, one born of love and compassion. Dying Into This offers a very practical, accessible message of transformation through love. Written outside of the confines of any religion, order, or philosophy, its clear message simply helps the reader to recognize their innate wisdom. The book supports and cultivates the goodness of each individual by reminding them of their true heart, thereby restoring a deep connection to all of life. Only once we each get in touch with that can any real, positive change happen.

“It is undeniable how connected we all are – to God, to self, and to each other. Once this is seen, we move from love – and that is how we will transform the world – one heart at a time.’
– Prajna Ana

About the Author

Prajna Ana lives in Asheville, North Carolina. Although she does not prescribe to any dogma or religious structure, she honors the timeless wisdom within them all. It is from this space of openness where she invites you to un-know and discover the truth for yourself. Prajna is author of Dying Into This and founder of Lamp of the Heart. For more information, visit www.lampoftheheart.org.


“The Wow of the Now: Awakening to the Big Glow Within,” by Brian Piergrossi

“The Wow of the Now' is the new book of meditations, prayers, insights and poems from Brian Piergrossi articulating a new, unique spiritual teaching for the 21st Century. It's not just a book, it's an energetic vibration. It's a heart-felt invitation to awaken to your true essence and potential. It's a new culture. It's a growing movement to live authentically with presence in each moment. Join the movement and discover the Big Glow within! Praise for The Wow of the Now: 'These are not just words written on a page, the writings in this book are so much deeper. I laughed, I cried, I felt a deep feeling of enoughness and a soothing, cleansing, peace all wrapped up in a warm blanket of love. I didn't just read this book. I felt this book.' - Gaila Robinson, Counselor

Brian Piergrossi is the Author of The Big Glow and The Wow of the Now, Life Coach and Spiritual Teacher. He lives in Asheville, North Carolina.'

Blog it Forward

Some authors who have written a book, or are writing a book, and who are currently blogging have been participating in a chain letter to help promote some of their favorite bloggers.  It’s called, The Next Big Thing Blog Tour.  I have included information describing it in more detail below, but it involves creating a blog post about your book (see specific questions below) and tagging five more authors/bloggers at the end of your post.  The authors I tag will (in theory) post a similar note to their blog and tag five more people in their post by next Wednesday.  Feel free to start your own Blog Tour if you haven’t been tagged. Georganne Spruce is the one who tagged me, and her blog post (http://awakeningtothedance.com) serves as a good example of what this project is about.

Questions for Author:

1) What is the working title of your next book?

A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self, by Trey Carland

2) Where did the idea come from for the book?

It was inspired by a life altering diagnosis with Epilepsy in 2004 that led me to a search for what’s really real.  A series of revelations and insights followed over the course of several years, which were recorded as blog posts and eventually turned into a book.  A deep desire to spread the word took over, and I shared the depths of my personal journey in the hopes of igniting a similar desire for truth in others.

3) What genre does your book fall under?

Spiritual, Autobiography, Self-Help

4) What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

There is really only one character (me) who narrates the events in my life, and all of the roles could be played by any number of actors.  How about Johnny Depp or Dustin Hoffman?

5) What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Knowing what you truly are, beyond your thoughts of who you are, is the key to unconditional peace, and this book sets out to illustrate that in a very personal way.

6) Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Self Published

7) How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

Though the book was written one chapter (blog post) at a time over the course of 6 years or so, when I finally decided to compile them into a book it took a couple of months.

8) What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

The Power of Now and A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle; Loving What Is and A Thousand Names for Joy, by Byron Katie.  There are countless other teachers and books that have influenced me, but these two teachers have been the most influential.

9) Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Once I learned about enlightenment, I had no choice but to write about it.  “It” wrote through me.  You could say that the Universe inspired me to write this book because every single thing that I have experienced has brought me to this point in my life where sharing through writing is not an option but a necessity.  Also, everything that I have ever experienced could not have been without everything that came before I was ever born, traced back to the beginning of time (assuming there is such a thing).

10) What else about the book might pique the reader's interest?

If you are at all curious about the teachings surrounding enlightenment, or would consider yourself an active seeker, then this book will most likely resonate with you on some level.  Most people have told me that they can really identify with the search and find the pointers I share in the book very helpful.

Blogger/Authors:

Here are just a few authors that come to mind.  For a complete list of teachers that have been influential in my life, please see the Teacher Resources blog post, which is also a chapter at the end of my book.

Katie Davis
http://www.awakebykatie.blogspot.com/

John Sherman
http://www.justonelook.org/library/index.html

Karen Richards
http://karen-richards.com/writings/

Ramesam Vemuri
http://beyond-advaita.blogspot.com/

Scott Kiloby
http://www.kiloby.com/writings.php

Holiday Book Sale

I hope you had an enjoyable Thanksgiving and are gearing up for a great holiday season.  In light of the upcoming holidays, I've decided to offer a special discount on my book, ASeeker's Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self.  It retails for $12.95, but you can order it now for only $9.95 at the link below.  Just enter discount code 26RXMM9B on the order page once you have added it to your shopping cart and you will save $3.00.

https://www.createspace.com/3714463

I've received a great deal of positive feedback from readers (here are a few reviewson Amazon.com and here are a few reviews in local magazines), so I've decided to offer a money back guarantee if you read it and don't like it :)  If you already have a copy, buy one for a friend (or enemy).  Tis the season for giving after all.

By the way, at the suggestion of a friend of mine, I sent my recent blog post called, "Mental Dis-Order" which is about the positive effects being diagnosed with epilepsy has had on my life, to Dr.Oliver Sacks, who I mentioned in the blog.  Dr. Sacks is a world renowned neurologist who has written several books (i.e. Awakenings, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, Musicophilia, The Mind’s Eye, and Hallucinations), in which he explores what it is like to live with various neurological conditions.  He sent me a hand written letter (I'm guessing he's not a fan of email) saying that he found my blog "both fascinating and deeply moving," and asked if he could reprint portions of it in the next edition of his newest book, Hallucinations.  I am quite honored to say the least.

Stay safe this holiday season and enjoy it to the fullest.

Much love,

Trey

Advice on Surrender

Smile. Relax your body.  Close your eyes if you can.  Surrender completely.  Give in knowing that everything will be okay, no matter what happens.  Realize that you have no control over what’s happening.  The only control you have is to let go of the idea that you have any control.  Let Life take you where ever it wants, knowing that it has your best interest at heart.  You are perfect, and this experience is perfect.  It’s exactly what you need.  There is no need to try to figure out why you need it.  Let go of all thoughts that may arise.  They are meaningless.  Feel the aliveness in your body and give in more fully.  You can’t resist.  Smile, laugh, cry, let anything that wants to come out of you come.  This is a gift being given to you by Life, and you don’t need to know anything to be grateful for it.  Trust fully the unknown.  Enjoy the ride :)

Weightless Planet

Look up at the night sky. See all of those points of light? They are beckoning you to recognize the vastness of the Universe. Feel the Earth under your feet. It's so firm and stable, but it's weightless, floating through space like every other object you see. Suspended by nothing. Can you feel the weightlessness of the Earth?

Mental Dis-Order

Eight years ago today, November 7, 2004, I had my first grand mal seizure and was diagnosed with epilepsy.  Interestingly enough, it was on the day that John Kerry conceded the presidential election to George Bush.  Though I was not a fan of Kerry, at that time I was strongly opposed to Bush.  When I learned the news I was very upset and went into the kitchen to tell my wife, Shelby, the bad news.  The next thing I remember I was sitting on our stairs with paramedics looking up at me and asking questions.  Shelby was telling them this strange tale of what happened that involved me throwing my head back and making some loud groaning noise before falling to the ground convulsing.  Apparently, I got up at some point and yelled before she sat me down on the stairs.

I was in a fog for the whole ride to the hospital, and really didn't know what was happening.  In the ER a doctor came in, asked some more questions of Shelby, then told me I had had a seizure.  I was taken back by the news, but instantly remembered the feeling I was feeling right before I blacked out.  It was the same sort of feeling that I had been experiencing periodically earlier in the year.  I referred to those experiences as Revelation Spells.

A typical Revelation Spell only lasted a minute or two and felt like I was having a divine revelation.  Everything made perfect sense, finally.  I was filled with a sense of joy and relief, and I felt warm and tingly all over.  During these spells I would lose control of my thoughts and they would just drift along as I stood by and watched them on the periphery of my awareness.  After the feelings subsided, I was never able to remember what thoughts had gone through my head.  My assumption was that the key to all of life’s questions was contained in those thoughts that floated by.  Determined to capture the truth, I attempted on a few occasions to remember the thoughts that passed through during a Revelation Spell.  Though I could not remember the thoughts, I could tell that they were insignificant, mundane and just random.  I was able to conclude that the sense of revelation was not linked to the thoughts themselves.

After the initial big seizure, more followed.  If you have two or more seizures you are considered to be epileptic, which became the label for my condition.  The doctor told me that my revelation spells were actually partial complex seizures affecting the left temporal lobe of my brain, which was a bit of a let down.  However, the mystery still lingered.  Only 30% of all epilepsy cases have a known cause, and I was part of the 70% where no cause for the seizures could be found.

I was a bit reluctant at first to take drugs, but grand mal seizures are very unpleasant and the need to stop them outweighed my desire to avoid being on medication.  It was a physically and emotionally challenging time for both Shelby and I, but it marked the beginning of a change in my course in life.  I suddenly had an uncontrollable desire to read books on various subjects that had never interested me, and I was particularly drawn toward books on spirituality.  Once I ran across the idea of enlightenment, I knew that epilepsy had come into my life so that I could find the truth of my own identity.  In fact, I came to view those partial seizures as early awakenings resulting from the disassociation from thought.  I also believed that enlightenment was the cure for epilepsy, which is entirely possible.

It took a while to get my medication to a point where the grand mal seizures stopped, but I continued to have the partials (as I called them), which just rendered me unable to speak for a few moments and sometimes had some uncontrolled jaw clenching.  I was also having what they call auras, which were more like feelings of nervous energy about something that was about to happen (no longer any feelings of euphoria).

Anyway, something very interesting happened yesterday, on the eve of my seizure-versary.  I was out running an errand and called home to ask Shelby a question.  She told me to turn on the radio and listen to Fresh Air where Terry Gross was interviewing Dr. Oliver Sacks.  Dr. Sacks is a neurologist whose research interests include disorders of perception, memory, consciousness, hallucination, migraine, epilepsy and other neurological conditions. He has written several bestselling books, such as Awakenings, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, Musicophilia, The Mind’s Eye, and Hallucinations, in which he explores what it is like to live with various neurological conditions.

It was a fascinating interview, but I was especially touched when Dr. Sacks mentioned epilepsy.  He said that it was often referred to as the "sacred disease" in olden times, and that many people with temporal lobe epilepsy had what he called ecstatic seizures that brought about feelings of divinity and euphoria.  This sometimes led people with no prior religious orientation toward spirituality. It was very moving for me to hear him talk about the profound nature of this sacred thing we call epilepsy. It felt validating to have an expert in the field convey fascination with this mysterious dis-order, and really reaffirmed my own love of this beautiful mystery happening.

Labeling dis-orders is a necessary way to communicate and study such phenomenon, but it also reduces and diminishes their profound nature to just a word.  Dr. Sacks knows from first hand experience the inexplicable nature of sensory hallucinations, which makes him a much more interested, as opposed to most doctors who just write prescriptions with little or no interest in the experiential nature of it all.

To make a long story short, I spent three and a half years unable to drive because you have to be seizure free for six months before you can drive again, and it took that long for me to totally rid myself of them (being forced into the passenger seat was just what I needed though).  I’ve been seizure free now for around four years, but I am still taking medicine.  All in all it has been a wonderfully transformative experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world.  I feel truly blessed in so many ways (loving wife, precious daughter, wonderful and supportive family, etc.) but I’m blessed to have been touched by the “sacred disease,” which gave me a foretaste of awakening. Life is good, and always has been even when it didn't seem like it.

Peace,
Trey

Addicted to Thought

Where do thoughts come from?  They seem to just appear out of the silence of our mind.  They come in the form of words predominantly, but also images.  No one else can hear them or see them, which makes them very private and personal.  For the most part they are purely unintentional and random, but we take this voice in the head to be the only authority on what’s true and what’s not.  Therefore, thoughts make up who we think we are and who we think the rest of the world is.

Are thoughts really real though?  Can you hear them?  Are they at all tangible?  Think a phrase, like, “I am thinking these words,” and listen to see if they are audible.  Turn up the volume by thinking, “I AM YELLING IN MY HEAD!!!”  Do you hear anything?  Just listen to the silence that remains after the thoughts subside.  As you mentally yell, talk, daydream, etc., there is still only silence, before, during and after all thoughts.  Thoughts are like ghosts from the past, only we think they’re real and true.  No one else knows what we’re thinking, so we’re all living in our own little dream world covered up by invisible, inaudible words that govern how we live our lives.

It’s probably safe to say that thoughts are the number one cause of pain, suffering and death in the world.  Stressful thoughts lead to all forms of dis-ease.  Beliefs, which are simply organized bundles of thoughts, are what fuel wars between nations, and create great strife among people.  People don’t kill people.  Thoughts kill people.  This quote from Eckhart Tolle’s book, “The Power of Now,” sums it up nicely. “The human mind is a complex tool that can be used to solve all manner of problems, but it is also the source of all problems.”

Earlier today I heard my wife say, “Just thinking about it stresses me out.”  That pretty much sums up the source of stress in this world.  “It” doesn’t cause the stress, but “thinking about it” does.  The goings on are not necessarily stressful without negative thinking to accompany them.  Everyday events are just happenings before judgments (thoughts) enter the picture.

Let’s see what happens when we impose thoughts on the play of life.  Think of something stressful, whether it be something that has actually happened or just a hypothetical situation.  It could be anything from an argument or an embarrassing situation you once encountered, or to what you would like to say to someone who frustrates you, or even how you would feel if you lost someone near to you.  Take a moment to feel what happens in your body when you think about that situation...  Does your body tighten up?  Dig into that sensation that the thoughts trigger and feel that feeling in your body...  Do you feel emotional?  Don’t tell a story about how you feel, just see what it feels like to think that thought.

Now, ask yourself, “What’s really real, the thoughts in my head, or what’s here, now?”  Look around at your immediate surroundings.  Don’t label anything, just take it all in.  Is there anything to stress about when you don’t go mentally looking for a problem?  Fictitious scenarios in your head can seem real enough to cause bodily harm, whether it’s in the form of stress, tension, or emotional upset. These symptoms can not exist without the help of thoughts, which we’ve already determined to be less true than your direct experience of the present moment.

Unfortunately, thinking is largely incessant, repetitive, involuntary and counter productive to living a fulfilling life.  However, the challenge here is not to stop thinking.  That would be as maddening as being stuck in compulsive thinking.  For example, when I get a song stuck in my head that won’t go away, it gets frustrating when I try to make it go away simply because I’ve made having it stuck there into a problem.  The mind’s job is to generate thoughts, so they will keep on coming.

However, we spend a great deal of time each day not thinking, and touching base with those countless gaps between thoughts is very beneficial.  Those are the short-lived moments of peace that get overlooked.  “What peace? I haven’t experienced any peace lately,” you might say if you have been stuck in compulsive thinking a lot lately.  But the peaceful gaps are there, and you can find them once you know what to look for.  Then, it’s just a matter of looking as often as you can remember.

How to Step out of Compulsive Thinking

There are a myriad of teachings that can be used to “get into the gap” between thoughts, many of them involve a formal meditation practice, which turns some people off.  I don’t have a formal meditation practice myself, though there are definitely benefits to having one.  Instead, my methods of becoming mentally quiet involve simply directing of attention away from thoughts (the self imposed labels I have ascribed to the world around me) to what lies underneath, and becoming fully present. 

It seems that asking questions of oneself works quite well at directing attention, which is why asking questions like, “Who am I really?” or, “What is looking through these eyes?” are popular methods of seeing what lies below/behind/before thoughts.  In addition to self inquiry, there are a few other questions I’ve found helpful lately.  One is, “Am I thinking now?” Ask the question of yourself, then look at where your thoughts would ordinarily be.  Are there thoughts present now?  Look around in the mind with the mind’s eye (so to speak) to see if you can find a thought....

Most likely you will find only silence when you go looking for thoughts, but if you find thoughts are present bring you’re full attention to them and recognize them as just thoughts.  When you become aware of your thoughts, you assume the position of the witnessing presence that you truly are and thoughts tend to dissipate when that happens, leaving behind that gap of “no mind” as it is sometimes called.  Once thoughts can be witnessed impartially, they lose their addictive quality and can be more easily let go.  Remember not to make getting sucked back into compulsive thinking into a problem, because it’s not until you make it into one.

Eckhart Tolle suggests a very similar approach to silencing the mind, wherein you ask yourself, “I wonder what I am going to think next?”  Then, “Watch the mind like a cat watches a mouse hole,” as he says.  When thought occurs, simply ignore it and return to watching.  This puts you in a state of alert attentiveness that is very conducive for meditation, or simply getting out of your head.

In addition to looking for thoughts, which ironically tends to quiet the mind, there is another little pointer that has worked for me.  Ask yourself, “What is the sound of sunshine?”  Listen closely for it.  Surely it makes a sound, even if it’s so quiet no one hears it.  Direct all of your attention toward hearing the sound of sunshine....

That question points toward the underlying silence that is always here.  That silence is the only real constant in our lives, and it is the peace we’ve been searching for.  It’s always here, right under our noses, before thoughts and ideas start to muddy the waters.  As Byron Katie likes to ask, “Who would you be without your story?”  The simple answer is alert, aware, ever present stillness (a.k.a Peace-Love-Bliss).

In Peace,
Trey

Book Related News

I wanted to share a few exciting tid bits of news for me.  One of my past blog posts (titled Fear of Life) was recently published in a book called, "The Journey Home: Discover Heaven on Earth."  I've added a link to it on the Media page of my website, but it is basically a compilation of stories from different people about their search for inner peace, and what peace really is.  It's an honor to be included in a book with many well known and respected spiritual teachers from around the world.  Here is an excerpt from the back cover:

 "The Journey Home, at its core, is a collection of love letters from around the globe as we travel down the path of discovery. And what an amazing journey! Won’t you join us? Come home to yourself and discover Heaven on Earth."

"This is the story of the road to nowhere, a journey of the heart. Like many facets of the same diamond, we are the collective ONE; each with a sacred story to share of our journey on this road called Life. Life is not who you are, but rather an experience pointing you back toward who you are."

If you are interested in purchasing a copy, I've set up a Pay Pal link on my Media page as well.  It's hot off the presses so I haven't finished reading it yet, but it looks like a great book.


Another Book Review:

Another exciting piece of information is that my book (A Seeker's Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self) has been reviewed in the September issue of Rapid River Magazine.  This is a local magazine to the Asheville area you can find at news stands at places like Earth Fare.  If you can't find a paper copy, you can check out the book review online at - http://issuu.com/rapidrivermagazine/docs/rriver_sept2012/13


Book Signing:

One last piece of exciting news for me is that Malaprop's Bookstore in downtown Asheville has booked me for a book reading and signing on January 13th.  That's a ways a way I know, but I just had to share.  I'll keep you posted on that as it gets closer. 

If you haven't had a chance to read my book yet, I've gotten a great deal of positive feedback from it.  It appears to be helping a lot of people, which is all that really matters to me.  You can pick up a copy at Malaprop's downtown, or I have links to purchase it from various online bookstores on my website.  I'll also bring a few copies to the Awakening Practices Group meeting tomorrow.  I hope to see you there.

In peace,
Trey