I have been using a mantra of sorts lately when I'm feeling a bit
stressed out by "others" -- "I am living with the Buddha." This applies
to your significant others, or people that you only see on occasion.
When you are encountering someone, you are living with them in that
moment, and they are your teacher. And, as with various approaches to
teaching Zen, the form of the teaching can vary from a compassionate
embrace to a yelling drill Sargent. When you feel at odds with what is
being encountered, try reminding yourself that you are living with, and
being confronted by the Buddha. Their mission, even if they are
unaware, is to get you to "wake up," which is to say realize that your
beliefs about what "should" and "shouldn't" be are what holds you back
from realizing the peace that lies prior to judgment. Welcome the
teaching in whatever form it takes, and gratitude replaces attitude.
Be well,
Trey
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