Divided We Fall

I divorced myself from politics back in 2004 after suffering a grand mal seizure. It happened right after I learned that John Kerry had conceded the election to George Bush, before all of the votes had been counted. I wasn’t a Kerry supporter at the time, but I was a Bush hater. When I went to tell my wife the upsetting news, I fell down and had a seizure. I woke up in the ambulance on the way to the ER. I was later diagnosed with epilepsy, but it was a wake up call that changed my life forever. And I am thankful for it because it’s what started my search for the purpose of Life. I later found it and am continuing to see the purpose unfold all around. I know it’s all necessary. I know everything is a prerequisite for the discovery of purpose. It has to be this way. So what do you do if you don’t like it this way and it can be no other way? That’s how it started for me.


Having said that, I am also among the majority of Americans who are surprised and disappointed in the recent Presidential election. I, like many, didn’t think Donald Trump had a chance. Afterall, he’s a bully with a negative attitude toward a lot of people. He’s very judgmental and prone to make irrational decisions. There, I said it. I cast my first stone. It’s time for me to do The Work :)


I digress, however. The outcome has illustrated just how divided we are as a nation. There are a lot of people celebrating the victory in the form of hate speech toward minorities. I am surprised that roughly half of those who voted are okay with someone like Trump behind the wheel. But, my disappointment transitioned into peace with forgiveness. This is not a forgiveness that comes from a place of superiority, as in those people are wrong and I forgive them. Instead it’s identifying with them. Once you forgive, you can begin to relate to others as human beings again.


As an example, I ended up in the voting booth right next to my previous neighbors. It’s a long story that ended with us moving to get away from them. I know they are blue collar republicans and I thought about why they were voting the way they were.After all, my political mind thinks that poor people are voting against their best interest by towing the party line. Anyway, it dawned on me that it’s because they have no choice. They were exposed to certain things in their past that shaped their way of thinking. The same is true of me. Beliefs are handed down from generation to generation, like folklore. I then felt a sense of compassion toward them as I filled out my ballot. I can only be this way and they can only be that way. We didn’t get to choose--until we realize we have a choice.


The chaos that has transpired since the election has all been part of the unconscious belief that I’m right. How could we think otherwise?  But it has put a magnifying glass on the divisiveness we have within and without. Even though I don’t believe Trump would make a good President, I think he will make a necessary one. From my perspective, he represents part of the acceleration of human unconsciousness. There is a wave of consciousness rolling through this world, and it has a lot of people concerned. Word is spreading like the fires we’ve seen here in the mountains. The word is, “Yes, you can encounter peace in a world gone mad. Yes, you have the power to bring good into this world, even when it seems to be falling apart. You can rid yourself of compulsive thinking and negativity. You can accept what is.” It usually takes something traumatic to get you to look for what’s true. This election will be the trauma that many people need in order to start focusing on the only thing that can be changed--your perspective. You change that and you change the world. You change that and you become the world.


Keep the peace, inside and out. Take time to stop and just be present. Follow your breath as you enjoy the air around you. Look at the sky. Pay attention to your sense of Being. All of the negativity is just mind stuff that covers up the truth of who we are. It’s time to wake up now. I invite you to please make waking up your prime focus this coming year. Learn to make peace with the present moment, even if it contains apparent adversity. You can do anything when you do it from the space of peace.


InJoy,

Trey

Divided We Fall part 2

The thing I love about making an opinion public is the critical responses. I need those to remind we where I'm stuck in ego (or just pretending to be). I pay attention when the feelings of defensiveness arise and start looking at the truth -- it's all just a story and no two people have the same one. Diversity is what makes life so rich, but it's important not to forget that diversity is ultimately an illusion of mind. I received the following comment in response to this blog post:

"​I see Donald Trump the total opposite of you.  Much of what you are reading is fake news in what is considered mainstream media.  Most of the hate crimes reported were hoaxes and many were perpetrated by leftist trying to besmirch the reputation of others.

I see so much light around Trump.  He is a blessing. Most liberals I know project all of their negative traits onto others....they lack self awareness.  Such vast generalizations you are making and such a condescending attitude.  Keep an open mind....it does wonders."

Here was my response:

Our opinions are shaped by the information we receive. I probably have only been exposed to one side of Trump. But when I heard him say that he wanted to hit another politician for saying bad things about him, I became concerned about someone with that attitude running the country. I was a bit surprised at the number of women who forgave his sexual misgivings (for lack of a better word).

It doesn't matter to me who's running the country. I have full trust in the Universe to do what's best. The end goal is to see light around everyone, not just Trump. He's my teacher. Teaching me how to be open to a so-called opposition. If I were to sit down and really do The Work, I would quickly see how he is just a projection of my own mind (but what fun would that be? ;).

I had to share my opinions in my post, despite the fact that I know opinions are at the root of separation, to illustrate how I overcame them. My comments allowed me to identify with the people I'm surrounded by and allow them to see the problems with holding onto their opinions too tightly.

I understand why so many people voted for him. They are tired of seeing politicians, especially career politicians, running things, and they think that someone who is more business minded would do a better job. Hilary was an unpopular option for a lot of people. I was really pulling for Bernie, but it really doesn't matter who's in office. They aren't really running the show. They are just part of it.

Much love,

Trey

My New Job

A change in my employment status led me to a job that I never really thought of. How I got there is a long, and somewhat messy tale with its own set of life lessons that I may talk in more depth about at a later date. For now, the life lessons are bountiful from my current situation.

I am working as a brand ambassador/event specialist for Advantage Solutions*, which is a national marketing company that partners with Walmart stores to promote certain products in their stores. My job is to go into Walmart stores in the area and set up tasting events. So far I have served up samples of all sorts of things (i.e. yogurt, crackers, ice cream, pasta salad, fruit, sausage, cheese, wine, beer, etc.) It has been immensely enlightening, and I have just been itching to share ;)

When I first applied for the job a few months ago, the job description wasn’t very clear. After I was given the job, I realized I would be giving out samples in Walmart stores. It didn’t sound very appealing at that point, but we needed the money and it was a sure thing. Getting a “real job” opened up some underlying feelings of insecurity. I have been my own boss for most of my adult life and haven’t had to punch a clock since I was in college. It was very exciting!

The job also brought up all of those negative judgments I have had toward Walmart for ages. I never really shop there. In fact, I spent more time in Walmart on my first day of the job than in my whole life. There I was, working as an apparent employee of Walmart. At first I became aware of feelings of failure governed by a mental story and fear of judgment. What would “they” think of me? “Successful Small Business Owner Resorts to Working at Walmart,” would be the ego’s headline :)

Fortunately, I was aware of these stories playing out and could watch them without buying into them. I was able to welcome those negative judgments head on. I became open to the situation, viewing it without a negative overlay. Without some level of awareness, I can see how that story could easily spin someone into a state of depression. But the more I accepted my moment to moment situation, the more at ease I felt. Therein lies liberation -- Accepting without judgments.

It helps a great deal that I have a half hour drive to work. Driving is something that allows me to become more fully present. I also get to listen to Eckhart Tolle audio, which never gets old. In fact, they just get newer. I’m listening to the same audiobooks over and over again (Stillness Speaks and Practicing the Power of Now) and I just get clearer and clearer. His words have been instrumental in helping me adjust to this new life situation.

Basically, this job took me way out of my comfort zone. I’ve been an introvert since I was a kid. I don’t consider myself shy, as such, but I have never been very outgoing. This job requires me to be outgoing, which has been wonderful in so many ways. First, I learned that stepping out of my comfort zone, actually gives my feet a work out. I haven’t really needed to be on my feet for 6 hours a day before, so my feet hurt quite a bit when I first started the job. However, I noticed something interesting once I started paying conscious attention to my feet. When I engaged with people, such asking them if they would like a sample, the muscles in different parts of my feet got tight. I don’t know much about it, but I know reflexology works with different parts of the foot that connect with other bodily symptoms. What I determined was that the flight or flight instinct, typically brought about by fearful situations, was triggered on a subtle level when I struck up conversation with other people. To me this was a clear example of how the residue of fear was manifesting in a physical way so that it could be recognized and released. Had it not been for foot pain, I may not have recognized that fear was there, running silently in the background. (I did get some padded insoles, by the way, which helped quite a bit).

One of the other great things about my job is that I get to people watch all day. Walmart is such a melting pot of people. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors, nationalities and personalities. I have seen a number of people with various forms of mental and physical disabilities, which I don’t normally see in my daily life (I lead a sheltered life). There seems to be so much acceptance of people, especially from some of the Walmart greeters. The Walmart greeter at one store seems to know most of the customers. She hugs most of the people with disabilities that come through the door, and likes to kiss every baby on the head (not sure how some of the Moms feel about it though).

It’s been a real eye opener to watch people like this, but it’s been more eye opening to watch myself. I get to notice my own judgments about others as they surface. Notice, accept and release seems to be the practice, and it has become second nature. It’s easy for the mind to spin stories about people based on how they look, what they buy and how they act, but it’s easier (and better) not to. When we stop looking at others judgmentally, they automatically become better people because we are the ones who made them look less than perfect in the first place.

As life continues to give me the experiences I need to wake up to what’s true vs. what’s just a story built on judgments, I am able to relax more. Now I am actually enjoying reaching out to people and greeting them. I’m inviting them with a smile to sample whatever I have in front of me. The ones who aren’t interested almost always smile and say, “No thank you.” It’s amazing! Regardless of who it is (punks, thugs, hippies, yuppies, rastas, rednecks, old folks, kids, even New Yorkers), they all have such good manners. (BTW those terms are not meant to be derogatory in any way. They are terms those people would probably ascribe themselves.) The interesting thing is, 99% of them smile when they say no. It’s like we were all raised with such good manners that it’s an automatic response. I see parents passing on good manners to their children after they have a sample, encouraging them to say thank you. Even people who are very serious looking, with a scowl on their face, pause long enough to say, “No thank you.” It’s like I can get a smile out of almost everybody by a simple gesture :)

So now, I realize that my new job is to make people smile. Now I’m not shy about asking anyone to try a sample because it’s fun to make people smile, and I’m getting paid to do it. Smile and the whole world smiles with you :)

InJoy,

Trey

PS

If you’re interested, the company I’m working for is hiring. Email me if you want to learn more - treycarland@gmail.com

Essay on Science and Spirituality

I hope you are doing well and enjoying the Summer. The moon is looking beautifully full (almost) and the katydids are loving life by the sounds of it. I love this time of year and especially the warm Summer nights. 

Anyway, it's been a while since I sent out an email update. I've been very busy and going through a very challenging and transitional period in my life lately. I have been working two jobs, and ended up in a situation that puts me well outside of my comfort zone. As a result, I have a lot of insights to share. I just haven't had a chance to write them up yet.

However, I did have the opportunity to write the following essay. Since there was a cash prize involved it gave me some added incentive to let some ideas fly. It was nice to get some gratitude expressed in writing after a bit of a dry spell. It was challenging to keep it short enough to meet their guidelines. I could have written much more on the subject, and may well elaborate some day. But I felt like it was something worth sharing in its current form. 

I did not get selected for the prize, which is fine with me. I enjoyed the exercise. I think they were actually aiming more for the link with "religion" instead of "spirituality" so my essay didn't quite fit what they were looking for. Anyway, here is the submission, complete with biographical stuff.

In-Joy,

Trey

- Please submit a brief letter explaining your interests in using narrative nonfiction to explore harmonies between science and religion (1750 character maximum - approximately 350 words).

LETTER OF INTEREST

After I was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2004, at age 30, I was catapulted head first into a search for truth and meaning. It was as if I had no choice but to find the answers to all of life’s big questions. I started reading books about different religions, mysticism, metaphysics, shamanism, as well as various types of energetic healing modalities. I didn’t stop there, however. I was simultaneously reading books on various fields of science, such as neuroscience, biology, cosmology, kinesiology, physics, psychology and anthropology - just to name a few. I was reading at least 10 books at any given time, and read more books during a two year period than I had read in my entire life. I was looking to see where spirituality and science intersected. My analytical mind had been challenged by a deeply spiritual experience brought about by seizures. My search eventually led me to the idea of enlightenment and I felt like I had finally found what I was looking for. The experiences I had encountered, which were later labeled partial complex seizures, were very much like spiritual awakenings that I was reading about. I narrowed my focus at that point and began reading books and studying with many of the well known teachers in non-duality. Around this time I began writing about my realizations and started sharing my discoveries with the world through my blog and an email list I had of my friends, family and acquaintances. My blogs eventually became a book in late 2012, entitled “A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace: Notes to Self.” It was actually like the book wrote itself through me and for me, though everyone who has read it has enjoyed it as much as me. I have continued to write and feel as though it is my calling. These discoveries have to be shared with the world and I am happy to be a conduit for that to happen.


STORY SYNOPSIS

- Please submit a synopsis of the story you would like to develop and tell why you think it is an important story to write, especially for general audiences (2500 character maximum - approximately 500 words).

Wherever you look you see nature and science. For example, if you are driving down the road and you look around, what do you see? Cars, signs, power poles, electrical lines, lights, buildings, bridges, glass, asphalt, guard rails, etc. What do all of these things have in common? All of them come from the Earth and all of them took science to create. We are mining metals of all types to make car parts, steel beams, wires and more. We are converting rocks and sand into structures that could not have existed a few hundred years ago. We are able to turn fossil fuels into a wide variety of plastics, as well as create energy. All of this required scientific exploration to achieve. Wise men and women spent their lives figuring out new ways to manifest things using the natural resources we have been given. The main goal has primarily been to make life better for people.

I’m always amazed at what hard work and modern engineering can accomplish. All you have to do is look around with a sense of curiosity to discover things that took years to become possible. Look at a piece of fabric. Creating that used to take countless hours by hand and is now mass produced from a plant grown by farmers. Imagine how much cotton it takes to make all of the blankets sold at your local retailer, then consider how many retailers there are just like that in your town, your state, this country, the world.

Look at a new bridge being built. Imagine how much concrete and steel it takes to create that structure. Imagine how many tons of metal has to be extracted from the ground and melted in order to form those beams. Let’s not forget how much science goes into forming just the right size, shape and consistency to determine the right amount of support needed for any given application. Consider the ingenuity involved to precisely position an enormous structure and the hundreds of manhours needed to create just one bridge abutment. I could go on and on about the various ways in which science has improved our daily lives and how we overlook it, but I must leave some space for where spirituality fits in.

Science is represented in the world of manifestation, while spirituality is found in the unmanifested realm. Before thought is born, there is only the sense of “I am.” Without thought there is only presence. Consciousness itself. That space of conscious awareness is what we truly are. We are not our names, we are not our stories, we are not what we have been told all of our lives. We are the awareness that allows us to enjoy this world of form. Our purpose is to recognize our true nature, and that recognition makes it possible to truly appreciate what we have been given.


BIOGRAPHY

- Please submit a short biographical sketch (1500 character maximum - approximately 300 words).

I was born in Asheville, NC, the son of two academic-minded business professors. Creativity was encouraged, but I was taught that higher education and analytical thinking is what would lead to success in life. I followed suit and earned three master’s degrees in the field of business. Eventually my interest in business was replaced by an interest in spirituality, thanks to my diagnosis with epilepsy in 2004. It was a life shaking event (no pun intended), but one that had a profoundly positive effect on my life. It made me realize that what’s truly important transcends what the analytical mind has to offer. I came to understand that Self-realization is what leads to the sense of peace that makes all thing possible.

I continued to have occasional seizures, both partial and grand mal, for about four years, but they deepened my curiosity in the unknown. My exploration of the unknown led to me become a writer. After a few years of blogging about spirituality, I wrote a book on the subject I had become so passionate about - A Seeker’s Guide to Inner Peace. Since the publication of that book I have continued to write and deepen my experiential understanding of Life. I now host regular satsangs (truth gatherings) and have created an online community devoted to non-duality - Asheville Sangha. I am now focused on the integration of these teachings into the often times stressful life most of us lead.

My wife and I currently live on the outskirts of Asheville in Candler, NC, with our four year old daughter.

Where is This Thing Going?

Like most people, I find myself caught in repetitive thinking from time to time. It’s usually about something that I need to do in the future, and can be rather bothersome. For example, when I’m laying in bed thinking about something I think I need to do in the future. Obviously there are times when you may need to think ahead or plan, but we tend to get stuck in overthinking things that are really of no importance in the grand scheme of things. It may be helpful to ask yourself, “Can anything be done about this situation now?” If not, why waste time thinking about it?

In my experience very little thinking is actually necessary to make things happen. We do things all day long without thinking about them. But we have a tendency to dwell on certain things instead of just doing them or letting them go. So, let’s explore what happens when we stop thinking about doing things and let things happen.

The next time you have time where you don’t need to be anywhere in particular, just stand in the middle of the room and wait to see what happens. Whatever the body decides to do, go with it. Let the mind follow instead of lead. It may be that you just stand there waiting for something to happen for a few minutes, but eventually there will be movement. It may begin by just turning your head to look at something. As you observe, ask yourself, “I wonder what it’s* going to look at next?” Then wait and watch. Movement will happen eventually. When it does, allow that sense of curiosity to return. “Now what’s it* going to do?” Notice how your mind doesn't need to be in control for action to occur.

Spend some time with this and you can build more trust in just allowing. Use it the next time you go to the store. “I wonder which aisle it’s going to go down?” “I wonder what it will pick up next?” Wonder is the optimum word here. Just wonder at how Life does what it needs to do without you needing to think about it. “I wonder what it* will think of next?” is another interesting thing to ask. You never know, nor can you control, what thought is going to pop in your head next. But there is value in watching the mind just like you watch the body in this way of wonder.

In this exercise you are engaged in active and attentive waiting. This creates stillness even when there is movement and directs your attention to the present moment.The deeper you go into the present moment, the deeper the sense of wonder gets. You can then connect with the mystical impulse of Life that makes things happen. That impulse is ever present but can only be appreciated when thought isn’t covering it up. You can uncover it by letting Life move you instead of you trying to move it. Where is this thing going? We can’t know until we’re here.

* By the way, referring to the body/mind as an IT is a good way to create some space around who you think you are so you can pay more attention to what you really are -- Life itself.

Frame By Frame

I was rereading Byron Katie's book, A Thousand Names for Joy, recently (I've read it a number of times and Katie is one of all time favorite teachers) and I ran across a great pointer. She said that her experience is like viewing what's happening one frame at a time. I decided to explore this view of life from a frame by frame perspective, and I understood why the awakened mind experiences life this way. It is what it is to be fully present, no thought of past or future (until the need arises to think). It's like taking a snapshot in time of each moment when your gaze pauses on an object.

This is one of several present moment pointers that I recommend. If you want to do it yourself, consider this approach:

Look around at your surroundings. Pause for just a second on any object to take a mental picture. You don't need to know anything about what you're looking at it, you're just pausing to take it in. If you stop too long on any one thing the mind may decide to analyze it or describe it, so just a second or two is plenty. 

Continue to glance around with a sense of curiosity. You actually don't know where you are going to look next, and you're too present to care about where your attention will land next, much less what you just saw. What you have just looked at is irrelevant. There is just this magical unfolding moment that is constantly changing shapes. Moment.. by.. moment... Now... Now... Now... Though each moment may seem to stand alone, there is really only one moment. This is what the present moment looks like -- a never ending, seamless experience of what is. There is no room for judgment in a constant state of present moment awareness, which is why it is so peaceful.

As you practice this you will likely experience an increased level of excitement about what you will experience next. There is no time to speculate about it, only experience it as it comes.

InJoy Your Downtime

Do you ever get the feeling that you could/should be doing better at what you're doing or not doing? Like you could/should be doing more than what you're doing? Then, feel guilty when the opportunity to do nothing arises? Give it up! It's all ego. It's all conditioning handed down from our parents, our peers, and it's complete bullshit. Our projection on what we think other people think shapes our insecurities, our feelings of not being good enough. All of that is built on a foundation of lies that you have been feeding yourself all of your life.

You have permission to enjoy downtime and just do nothing. You also have the opportunity to use your downtime to do some inner exploration. Just the act of directing attention inward has a very calming effect. Couple that with an unconditional acceptance to what comes to you and you have a winning combination for inner peace.

InJoy your quiet time when the opportunity arises, and create some inner silence periodically throughout the day. Every second counts, and all there ever is is this second. It's always this second, so what is a second? What evidence is there that seconds exist? A number on a clock changing. There was a land before time not that long ago, where the only evidence of passing time was the movement of the earth. But I digress.

This Is It

There is one singular, inarguable truth, with which we all must agree. Like it or not, this moment has already happened. What is, is as it is. There is no escaping that one simple fact. In my experience, realizing and accepting this basic truth is the only sane way to live.

I'll Be Here For You

Dear friends and family,

It has taken a while for me to fully realize the impact of reassurance when a friend or loved one is struggling, stressed or pained in some way. In my world, I see the goodness in the world, and know that personal suffering is avoidable with the proper "tools" (for lack of a better word). But this is viewed as a phony belief by many, and not readily accepted by most. So, it's not very reassuring to approach someone who is upset with things like, "It's going to be okay," much less to say things like, "This is actually a good thing. If you look at it this way, you can see that it's not as bad as you think. Everything happens for you, not to you (as Katie likes to say). Here are some reasons not to get stressed out about this..."

Despite the fact that my wife has told me on a number of occasions that she doesn't want to be told things like that, my instincts continue to override logic (or whatever you want to call it) and rush in to "helper mode." It's interesting to see how unhelpful that can be most of the time.  But there are a few key things that I've come to realize. First, a person complaining about something isn't necessarily requesting help, just voicing what's inside them. Secondly, when rushing into reassurance mode, there is a tendency to either negate the other person's feelings, or make them feel bad for having them, thereby making them frustrated at the messenger for not understanding them. Call me a slow learner, but after years of my unsuccessful attempts to help others, I'm finally getting it. "They don't need my help, they need a hug," is a saying that came to me recently.

This new undefstanding is thanks in part to having a toddler in the "terrible threes" stage of life, and a friend of mine who is somewhat of a parenting guru (thanks BJ). She and I had a "chance" meeting at just the right time (as all meetings do), and she told me about how to best deal with crying/complaining toddlers who want something that they can't have. Here is a summary of the tips she gave me:

Listen to what they have to say and repeat back to them their wishes in an understanding way. They just want what all of us want -- to be heard and understood. Shifting the focus of their desire to an agreeable solution makes the desired object/event less important. An example she gave was a situation where the child wants a cookie that you don't want her to have. You might say, "You really like cookies don't you? I do, too. Let's have one later on after we eat dinner (or something to that effect)." Follow up that with a slight change of subject, and the upset tends to dissipate. Basically, when you "join them" or acknowledge their desire in a positive light, rather than just telling them "No," the outcome is much more peaceful, and they tend to forget about what upset them in the first place. We have had a lot of success with this approach, but each situation calls for a different level of "joining" and finding an agreeable solution or new subject to focus on (it's a never-ending learning process for everyone involved).

Anyway, after a few recent failed attempts to reassure my wife about something she viewed as negative backfired, I realized that I had been going about things all wrong.  As in the case with a toddler (and I'm not saying my wife acts like a three year old), she wants her feelings to be heard and understood (what most people want). Silly me, I thought that people who were stressed out wanted reassurance (must be the way I was raised). Now that I know that my attempts to help have been interpreted as me not caring, not listening, negating her feelings, etc., I am attempting to step back and take a look at the way I approach my relationships.

I've heard the term, "giving space" for someone who needs to express their frustration, and I've been trying to figure out what that looks like. As with everything, it's very situational and an "unlearning" process. Being with someone in some form of emotional/psychological pain, without trying to fix them and allowing them the space to experience what they are experiencing, runs counter to my intuition and seems to be a bit of a tightrope.

On the one side of the tightrope is the listening and not-say-anything approach, which may be interpreted as uncaring. Another way might be agreeing with the other person, which could look like being condescending if you're not sincere. Then there's the crusher, "Everything happens for the best," which, as true as it is, may be seen as disrespectful of the other person's feelings (and may get you slapped if you're not careful).

There is also the old saying, "Actions speak louder than words," which points to things like simply holding a person's hand, or giving them a hug when they are in pain and you don't know what to do. That may convey the entire message of "I'm here for you," without the needs for words of reassurance.

So, what am I learning from all of this?  Here are a few things that have come up for me.

First, what the other person is experiencing is to be respected, even if it's not understood.  Everyone is living in their own separate reality that is not like any one else's, and we're all doing our best to interact with people who don't see life the way we do.

"This too shall pass," is another good thing to keep in mind. It's not just some belief, it's the simple truth. Everything passes as soon as it happens, and in five minutes the entire episode may be done and over.

Don't expect too much of yourself. Regardless of your approach, don't feel like a failure if things don't magically get "better." Don't be surprised if you are blamed for the hurt of another, and don't take it personally.

Remember that this, whatever form this moment takes, is a necessary part of the path for others. They are walking it the only way they know how, as are you.

"They" are really "you" in disguise, and their job is to point out where we still have unresolved issues (or stuck energy), which takes the form of them "pushing our buttons."

A quote I read recently from Byron Katie was, "Defense is the first act of war." That may not sit well with some, but the way she explained it made it so beautifully clear that war can not exist when there is no retaliation. It's difficult to practice when our buttons get pushed, but that level of acceptance is the secret to peace.

Don't forget to be true to yourself when you are engaged with another human being who is in a negative state.  If you can maintain a calm demeanor in the face of someone taking their pain out on you, that's great. But you don't have to take it. Removing yourself from a situation might be the kindest thing you can do.

It's been a learning process for me, and I'm sure I'll have more to share about it later.

Random Notes to Self:

Misguided attempts to make them feel better
See the bright side
Addicted to suffering
Guilt for being happy and seeing things as good
Addicted to past, unable to be present
Unable to "Join" them where they are
Reassurance heard as "Get over it," and a lack of respect.
Say nothing? Allow the wallowing? Love the wallowing
It's all about me. They are teaching us how to feel and experience emotions.
What should I be learning from this?
Respect
Allow
Ask how their holding up.
It is as it should be.
It is for the best.
No guilt for an apparent failure.

Change Your Outlook and Change the World

I wrote this letter to a loved one who recently came to me in a lot of pain. He was very frustrated at me and coming at me with a great deal of negativity. I just held space and listened, though some of the words struck me as a bit harsh. I let those feelings come and let them go. There was a time a few years ago that this discussion I had would have left me very devastated, but I could only feel compassion for the pain he was in. One of the gifts that came from this confrontation was me writing a response that I could share with the world. I'm hoping it benefits everyone who reads it in some way, or at least serves as a reminder.

Dear ___ ,

I felt your pain when we last spoke, and I really wanted to reach out to you with some things that I would like someone to tell me if I were in your position. So take what you want from this and forget the rest.

- Everyone is doing the best they can given the way they were brought up. You would be just like any other person if you had walked in their shoes. Compassion comes from this recognition.

- What happened in the past was necessary, because that's what happened. Thinking things "should" have gone differently is a painful way to live because you're arguing with reality. Simply realizing and accepting the current state as the necessary outcome of everything leading up to it frees you from the past and let's you focus on what's needed now. Self forgiveness and the forgiveness of others is born out of the recognition that the past was unavoidable and unchangeable. Eliminating "should" from your worldview is very freeing (see the Underlying Should for more).

- You can't do it wrong. You can only do it the way your life has set you up to do it, which is the best that you know how. When you recognize that whatever you do is the right/best thing to do, moving forward becomes lighter and less stressful. Clear thinking comes from the confidence that you can't do it wrong, even if the outcome isn't what you had hoped for. There is no fear of failure governing the decision making process when you know this to be true.

- We all have our issues, many of which are the same (i.e. money, relationships, work, etc.) and those issues can become part of our identity. For example, many people become addicted to being a victim and see the world as an unkind place. Those people are closed off to the possibility that the belief in being a victim is the only thing making them a victim. If someone suggests that their thinking is responsible, they get very defensive because their whole identity is built on that belief. Plus, they see the world as too threatening to let down their guard.

I want you to know that I love you, and that I would do anything to help you. The only thing I know to do is share the wisdom I've gained over the years with all of my personal struggles (and I've had more than my fair share). There are no problems, only challenges, and we are always up to the task of whatever Life throws our way, especially if our minds are clear and not bogged down with the past, nor fearful of the future. Believe it or not, Life can be peaceful even in the midst of chaos. The key is to examine your worldview when ever you experience stress. Thoughts create problems where there are really just situations that need to be dealt with. 

Thank you for coming to me with all of your concerns. I know that wasn't easy for you, and it would have been much more painful for me without the clarity I have gained over the last few years.

I love you,

Trey

I Assume You

Dear friends and family,

I hope you have all enjoyed the holiday season, whether you spent it alone or with family and friends. I always learn more about myself when there are others around and when I become open to the idea that they are a reflection of me.

For example, I had this realization that nothing has any drama to it unless I give it drama. I'm referring to the drama that is often prevalent in human relationships and interactions. Someone can be acting upset about something, but them being upset is just my inference based on their voice, body language, accumulated judgments, etc..  Our story about what's going on makes that the only reality we can see, but our story is built upon a pile of incorrect assumptions. Assuming basically means that I presume to be you, or momentarily assume your identity, in order to understand you better. I think I know what you think, which is why to assume is to make an Ass out of U and Me.

I realized that one way you can test this theory for yourself is to remove all of the vocal inflections from a person's speech to see what is actually being said, which may be easier to see in an interaction between other people at first.  Take a statement like, "You never listen!" spoken very loudly with an accusatory tone. Typically something like that would trigger a bunch of stored up "stuff" (or Pain Body as Eckhart Tolle would say) in us that could make us defensive and possibly retaliatory.  Then take that same statement and remove the tone and mannerisms that make you believe this is an attack.  What you would be left with is a flat out statement, 'You never listen."  That is simply a statement about how the other person feels, and not something that needs to be refuted or taken personally.  An exasperated sigh, becomes just a sigh unless I say it means something other than an exhalation of air. An exclamation point (!) becomes a period.

I give all things their meaning.  This is why it's been said that when you wake up (become enlightened, etc.) you take everyone else with you.  When you wake up you stop believing all of your assumptions about yourself and others, and become open to how things really are before you assign a meaning or add the overlay of a story. I create drama in a situation by adding a story about what's happening, and I become at ease when I interpret things simply as they are, without a story.

As I had this realization, while spending time with some family, I realized that the peace didn't stop with me. That is to say, interactions between other people lost any emotional charge that I would have believed existed before.  For example, person A and person B have a history of conflict, and there is typically a heightened sense of anticipation when they are together, in effect there is an expectation of a snide comment to be made.

However, once this realization settled over me, their interactions lost the story I had crafted based on their history. This is why the present moment is where the peace that surpasses all peace can be found. Stories disappear when you drop your attachment to the past because the past is what makes up our beliefs  Beliefs are layers of thoughts that filter what we see into a complete fiction that only we can see, which is why no two people hear or see the same thing during a given situation.  Each person's story of what's happening is like a snowflake -- totally unique.

Part of what fueled this evolution in my consciousness was the recognition of a false assumption I made.  Based on hearing just a snippet of a conversation, I found myself going to the story of, "He must be feeling upset about what's going on right now."  How arrogant of me to assume I know how someone else feels based solely on vocal tone and their past.  I realized that I had no way of knowing, so I revisited the situation with no interpretation by viewing it from a "monotone" perspective.  Then, the self-imagined charge was gone and there was just a conversation between two people who were simply stating things.  In short, there is no conflict between other people unless I decide there is.

The ongoing challenge now is to remember this realization during interactions with everyone in every situation. The idea of stripping the vocal tone out of potentially charged conversations seems like a good pointer for me.  At least for now.  I encourage you to give it a try.  It means setting aside your beliefs for a moment, but the result is well worth it.

I always like to remind people that the inventors of the English language inserted hints here and there if we are open enough to notice.  For example, the word "believe" has the word lie built in -- be-LIE-ve. There is no such thing as a true belief, but don't take my word for it. It can be messy to determine where our beliefs begin and end, so I recommend The Work of Byron Katie (http://www.thework.com) as one method you can use to help undo the fictitious stories you have separating you from what's really real.

But you don't need The Work to try this out for yourself. Just drop your interpretation of what's happening when it feels like there is tension in the air between yourself or others.  Then remember that you are the one creating that tension and that it's all in your mind.  There really is no "other" unless and until you create them in your mind's eye, and your mind's eye is always uniquely flawed.  This is why spiritual teachers refer to all of this as a dream, and that waking from the dream is what brings peace to a world of chaos. That's not a belief but something that you can see for yourself if you are open enough.

I wish you all a happy and wonderful new present moment, regardless of what the numbers on a calendar say :)

Trey

Life's Invitation

Life is constantly inviting you to explore and rediscover your True Nature.  She is sending messages in every moment, regardless of what form it takes, inviting us home.  Attention. Here. Now, she says compassionately with every breeze, every step, every encounter. "Notice the Beauty of Simply Being," she says, knowing full well that it's impossible for people to do, until it isn't.  We're so immersed in the waves of the ocean that we can't see the sea.

When we realize we are being beckoned, through one of Life's clever tactics to get our attention, Grace has stepped in leaving an open mind and open heart.  That opening may contract and expand as we continue to engage in Life's never ending message -- Wake up!

---

You have been lovingly invited to

the Greatest Party of All Time -- LIFE

Date: Never ending

Time: Now

Location: Here

Directions:

Turn Left on Inner Body Street

Take a right on Who Am I Really Avenue

Be Here Now will be up on your right

Stop when you get to the bridge (it doesn't really exist, and it leads you into a dark Abyss)

Words of Wisdom will come to take you the rest of the way In because it gets a little tricky at that point.

Once you get Here, take a look around to see what hasn't moved at all.  You were Here before you left, and you're still Here.  You were also Here the entire trip. Since Life never stops moving for long, there is only the trip itself -- Here and Now.  The trip is all there is, which is a wonderful relief when you embrace the whole experience of every moment.

The invitation is to awaken to, and live, the invitation with a never ending "Yes!"  

Caution:
Be alert to where Fear takes you.  Fear, too, is a wonderful guide, but you need to be aware of the root of it during certain life situations.  It will disappear on you, but know that it has led you on the right path. There are no wrong turns, which scares Fear off.  And who wouldn't want to experience being free of Fear after living from it for years?  That feels a lot better than never knowing Fear at all, I guess.  Fear wants to be compassionately embraced, just like we all do. Give fear a thanks for all it has done to protect you all of your life.  You don't need it Now, and it's always Now.

Hugs Heal,

Trey

Riding the Wave of Realization

It's been quite a while since my last blog post.  Our little girl is two and a half now, and we've all been very busy.  However, I finally had some time to type up all of the scribbled on pieces of paper I have.  Below is the result of transcribing those notes.  I'm sure much of this has been written before, but these words came through me at a personal level for what I was experiencing at that moment.  My hope is that you will find some of these snippets beneficial in your search for what ever it is you search for :)

Much Love,

Trey

Riding the Wave of Realization

I realized lately that my default operating system is one based on Fear of Being Judged

Ego has to know exactly what's going on now, and wants to know what's going to happen next.  In order to do that, it has to search out all of the possible outcomes mentally, latching on to one that sounds the best (or worst).

This is what Life wants for me, right now.

The only one judging you is you. So what if you're nuts?  We all are, we're just too afraid to show it.  Which makes us totally nuts - cut off from our freedom.  Like Life in prison with no chance of parole.  Be true to yourself.  Be the Light that says, "This is the way it could Be for you if you are willing to be free." 

Dance with reckless abandon :)

The teacher is the taught.

Stories wanting to be told. Recurring thoughts and feelings wanting to be met. What do I say to them, calling for my attention?  Come, you are welcome here.  Allow it, but don't believe it.  What's it really saying?  They're all just saying I love you and want to be with you.

In order for anything to exist, there has to be more than One.

MaryJane has been an extremely powerful spiritual teacher (as is intended) in my Life, because she has shown me that EVERYTHING has been a powerful teacher in my Life.

Hopping on a Plane Alone (poem)

Freedom

Surrender

Bliss

Trust

Love

Leela

The play of Life.

Watching it all unfold.

InJoying every minute of it.

Fear of judgment from supposed "others," changes my behavior to adjust to what I think they think.

Vegas on My Mind

There is no such thing as a dark cloud when seen from above.

They are all on their own little adventure.  Question your thoughts on what they "should" be doing?

Open Mind Test

Change a belief for 30 seconds.  Believe the opposite for a moment.  See what it feels like. Then step back into your old belief and see how that feels.  Don't get analytical about it.  Just feel it, without judgment.

A fear of loss accompanies each feeling of joy.

Words that mean nothing

Being written by my hands

Shapes coming together

So you can understand

It means nothing

Judgment is neither bad nor good.  It just is.

It functions by itself, without m doing.  I watch with wonder and curiosity. Where is this thing going?

The wisest people know nothing.

I set the tone for everything I experience.

MaryJane - Effects - friendlier, kinder, light hearted, alert. Desire to mellow, meditate, move around, watch TV, be present with what is in an accepting way. 

Curbed only by compassion.

Contemplate, "Stripped of aspiration."  Feel it.  There is nothing wrong with experiencing it for a moment or two.

The ego is afraid to ask questions.  Heart knows there are none.

When you find yourself judging yourself, notice and laugh.

It's all unraveling as it should.

Agree. Appreciate. Acknowledge, Accept.

Normalcy blinds.

Worrying about what others think hurts physically and emotionally.  Being okay with it heals.

I don't know how to Be in this space when fully present.

Action vs. Thought - Which comes first?

Ask yourself, "What does Spirit feel like?"  Look at that animating force.

Life is full of necessary distractions.

Take a breath and shake it off.

What if it's not an insult, but stating a fact.

Cause of Seizures

Hesitation

Reluctance

Judgment

Pleasing others

Feeling conflicted

in short, All Stories

Intentional struggling.

Like it or not.

Riding the Wave of Realization: Fear, Doubt, Love and Trust

My wish for my Daughter - May she grow to know the True Self

Escape into reality

Why am I thinking?

Trying to make it look new, when it already is.

Don't have a preconceived notion about what it "should" be like.

Chasing demons, like the fear of being present.

Chasing newness.  Look away and then back. It's new again.

Isn't it trippy?

The story makes it so.

Fear can turn into Bliss

Even if you think it has failed you, trust in Life.  It never ended up like we thought it would, and we're still here.

Teacher - someone who shows you something you didn't know, or didn't know that you already knew.

You made that happen by coming to that conclusion in your mind.  The mind sees what it wants to see.

With no story, it doesn't exist

Work related reminder - They'll just have to deal with it :)

Stop thoughts to see what is to be seen.

What if it doesn't happen on its own?  Am I helping?

The ultimate surrender is the ego's final recognition that is is a Lie.

Ego is past.  Balled up beliefs that shape a personality.

Belief - BeLIEf

I'm along for the ride.

Don't be the DJ of your life. Be the witness of the DJ.

Sadness - losing touch with what you thought reality was.

Trying to suppress our own happiness.  For what?

Accomplishing things makes me feel good, but to remain happy I would need to keep creating tasks to complete.

A sense of obligation keeps us stuck.

Recognize that All is perfect, first hand.  Your birthright is to know this.

You must become who you hate to know Love. You must love them for they are you.  And you're the only Love we've got.

Hide and Seek with God - Hiding in plain sight, pretending not to know for the pure Joy of finding.

That's just another manifestation of me.

You take your perceived judgments of others to be who YOU are.

What do "they" see without "their" judgments of you?

Stop pretending that they are judging you at all.

There is nothing spiritual about finding happiness (or seeking it). It's just a spiritual experience when you find True Happiness.

Spend some quiet time by yourself when you get a chance to get in tune again with silence.

We keep coming back to the old way of doing things.  We've been taught to communicate that way.  And we rejoin people where they are, pretending to be something we're not.

Meet yourself in another.

Be still.  Don't follow thoughts.  Listen.  Breath.  Smile.

Poof - you're awake :)

Am I a spy?

This is a highly intelligent body.  It's been keeping me alive for years without me.

Curiosity Killed the Ego

I've been reading (digesting really) this great book called, What's In the Way IS the Way, by Mary O'Malley and have really enjoyed her fresh take on Awakening.  The book is beautifully written, and has many places to stop and experience what you're reading throughout the book.  I've also been re-reminded about the power of just putting a question out, without looking for an answer, and allowing an answer appear.  As a result I've become more comfortable with letting Life do the driving (that it's doing anyway).

But I think one of the most powerful part of the teaching is the art of bringing compassionate curiosity to your present experience.  This sheds light on those stories that have been running us for so many years by honoring them.  Curiosity is a very powerful tool for self inquiry, so just using that nonjudgemental curiosity puts awareness back on itSelf.  Though Mary doesn't come out and say it, this is why curiosity kills the ego.  Unlike the cat, though, satisfaction ensures it is dead :)

I love this book like I love Power of Now and Loving What Is (I'm a big Tolle and Katie fan).  Hopefully you'll pick up a copy and check it out.

I had the great pleasure of interviewing Mary recently and would like to share it with you.  My apologies in advance of the quality of the video as I was experiencing some connection speed issues  I have also included the audio version of the interview.  I hope you In-Joy.

Mary O'Malley Interview (MP3)

Mountains out of Mole Hills

I hope you are enjoying the long days of Summer.  I love seeing the sunset at 9:00 at night and it feeling like room temperature in the evenings.  Anyway, I felt compelled to write something that might help someone in some way.  I hope you enjoy.

"Don't sweat the little stuff." What great advice.  How do you know if it's little stuff?  First, ask yourself, "Will this be important tomorrow?"  If not, then it's probably one of countless fleeting moments in a day that does not need your stress to fix (as if stress ever fixed anything).

Getting fixated on the little stuff is very habit forming, and possibly life shortening if the negativity becomes prevalent throughout each day.  We can't really help it, though.  Our past conditioning leads us to act in certain ways that feel familiar, even when they are destructive.  Many people, who have been exposed to frustration since they were young, are subconsciously looking for the least little thing to make a big deal out of because that's what they know.

One way out of making mountains out of mole hills is to pause before reacting.  All it takes is a few seconds, which may be difficult to do at first, but that brief pause may let in just a tad bit of clarity.  If the pause is long enough to look at the situation at face value, then that's all the better.  When there's room for a question in that pause, try a few different ones to see what suits you.  It may be highly situational, but here are a few that might help.

Will this matter later? Does this even matter now?  Is it that important to get upset over?  Will reacting this way make any difference?  Does this situation even need a response?  Would it hurt to remain silent?  What if I just let it go?  What if this situation is actually for the best?  Am I over reacting? Is anyone really being hurt by this?  Am I making things worse by reacting this way?

Don't forget the old saying, "There's no sense in crying over spilled milk."  Being upset about something that's already happened can't change a thing.  But if you can pause before a reaction, you might be able to change everything.  Even if you have already reacted out of habit, you can go back to these questions after the fact to see if your reaction was disproportionate to the event.  Hindsight is 20/20 and you can learn a lot from your mis-takes that will affect how you deal with similar situations in the future.

This only works if you are open to change and willing to entertain the idea that you may be making a big deal out of nothing from time to time.  It may take a close friend or loved one to tell you that, and it may not be well received.  But if you're feeling stressed out a lot, let me be the one to tell you that you are taking things too seriously.  Don't be so hard on yourself/others.  We're all doing the best we can, and that's not going to change regardless of what you do about it.

Take it easier :)

Trey

11:11 - You're Headed the Right Way

I've been seeing a lot of repeating numbers lately, on clocks and various other places (i.e. 11:11, 2:22, 5:55, etc.). It has been going on for quite some time, but has escalated recently to around 5 times a day. Rather than ascribe a superstitious meaning to it, which there may very well be, I use it as a reminder. My reminder for the last week has been, "You're headed the right way." We're always headed the right way, even if it seems as though we're lost. This is just a nice tool to enjoy a Life that is encouraging rather than fearful. Since Life wants me to feel that Love, it's giving me more signs that she can be trusted (hence the escalation of repeating numbers). Now that I've been doing it a while, every time I look at the clock I remind myself, "You're headed the right way." Then it doesn't matter what the clock says.

Judge Not

Dear Family and Friends,

I've been wanting to put something out about judgement lately to shed light on this quote from the Bible, "Judge not, that ye may not be judged (Matthew 7:1)."  Interpreted one way, this implies that "God" is very judgmental (a common theme in Christianity), but, looked at another way, it actually has to do with the mirror effect of Life.  When you judge another, you are actually judging yourself, for what you see outside of yourself is just a reflection of what's going on inside of you.  Another popular analogy involves the use of a pointed finger with the illustration that when I point my finger at another there are still three fingers pointing back at me.

We live our lives in fear of being judged poorly by others (or God), mainly because we started being judged from a very young age.  A lot of it happens when we are enter school and begin being tested, scored, looked at for certain aptitudes, etc.  Often times these forms of judgments carry negative outcomes, which guides us in the direction of trying to please others.  The trick is that we never really know how others see us, so we try to predict or interpret how we "think" others judge us to be.  But we can never really know what's going on in another person's mind.  Even if they tell us what they think, that's being filtered through their own fear of being judged.

We have a few key figures in our lives, such as partners, family members, etc., that we think we know so well that we are absolutely sure what they will think of something we do or say.  But that person is actually a figment of our imagination based on our past experience with him or her.  We see our judgments about him or her instead of who they really are, and we put our self judgements in their mind so that we're seeing a shadow of ourselves in others.

In addition to the key would-be judges in our lives, we also have generic shadow figures that are conglomerates of different segments of society.  These shadows represent people of similar or different nationalities, sub-groups, personalities, etc.  We craft an identity for them based on our judgments of them and ourselves.  "Knowing" how another person sees us, based solely on past experience, gives us the ability to respond accordingly.  The response is basically defending ourselves from negative judgment, whether that means we try to better ourselves or we lash out in a defensive manner to protect the ego.

The fear of being judged is so ingrained in us that it's barely noticeable.  It's almost like each move we make is instantaneously judged by ourselves and our shadow people.  This also explains why God has been seen by many as judgmental.  We created God in our image because that's all we knew.  We can't see what we don't know, which is why there has to be an element of ourselves in everyone we see.  But, rather than debate what God really is, my hope is to shed light on one of the core dysfunctions we share as human beings.

So, "What's the solution to this dysfunctional thinking?" you might wonder.  First, know that you are projecting on another when you judge them in any way. If the finger pointing trick makes a good reminder, by all means use it.

Then, when you notice yourself judging, stay out of a "judgement loop" where you judge yourself for being judgmental.  That's like beating yourself up for being human.  Instead, you can learn a lot about yourself through your judgements of others.

Also, be open to the possibility that you are completely wrong as you examine your judgments about others and how they might be judging you.  The end game, so to speak, is the realization that you are completely safe from judgment.  Even if a person openly states a negative judgment toward you, they have just told you something about themselves that they haven't realized yet.  But that's for them to discover on their own and not your job to point out (unless you feel like an argument).  In other words, you're the only one capable of judging yourself and everyone else is just running around judging themselves, too.

Basically, don't take anything personally and don't assume you're right about everything.

Namaste (I bow to the Divine in you),

I Want: The Birth of Desire

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope you and yours are doing well.  Spring is in the air now, I think.  We’ve been teased a bit here in WNC with dramatic swings in temperatures, but the flowers are waking up and reminding us it’s time for us to do the same :)

So, in case you hadn’t heard, our little Adorabella is almost two years old (hard to believe I know), and is learning the ropes of being a human.  She is talking up a storm and it’s so much fun to listen to her pronounce things.  It’s like she has a foreign accent that you can put your finger on, but she picks up on words so quickly.  She’s a happy little sponge and loves to have fun singing, dancing, smiling, making funny noises, laughing, and let’s not forget crying.  Despite what a happy toddler she is, she has her moments of frustration.  The underlying cause seems to be the “desire” for something other than what’s happening at a given moment.

As best as I can tell, desire is born very early and just gets stronger and more well refined.  At first it’s just preferences (i.e. I like this, not so much that).  Then, entertaining activities enter the picture, like things that she seemingly can’t get enough of.  For example, after we had our first big snow (which she loved), all she could say was, “I want walk snow all day.”  She said this for weeks despite the disappearance of the snow.  She would wake up and look out the window and say, “Hi snow,” even after it had all melted.  It was sooo cute.  She seemed okay with the snow leaving because we didn’t make a big deal out of it.

However, at a certain point desire brings on some attitude.  “I want...” is the way our little girl begins most of her sentences these days.  In some cases, if the want isn’t satisfied, screaming and crying can occur.  That’s never fun, but it comes with the territory, and we’re all learning how to cope with a life that doesn’t always give us what we want.  The only difference is that most adults don’t scream and cry if they can’t go watch DeeDee (Daniel Tiger) with Uncle NoNo (Shelby’s brother Norn).

It’s interesting to see the development of desire through an infant’s eyes.  There can be such great intensity behind not getting what they want, and it’s just a magnified version of the human adult’s reaction.  By the time we’re older, we’ve mostly toned it down a bit because we learn that we don’t get what we want by screaming and crying about it.  In general, we’re taught to ask nicely for things and learn new ways of getting what we want (maybe even by being manipulative).  Ultimately we become more civilized, but we are still adversely affected when all of our efforts fail to bring about the desired outcome.

Maybe I’m naive, but I think humankind has become worn down enough by not getting what we want for so long that we’re ready to be done with the pain that that causes.  That readiness, that ripeness, is where real change can happen.  When we run out of answers, when nothing we do seems to do any good, we may decide to open ourselves up to the unthinkable – give up on desires.  We’ve been crafting them since we were knee high to a grasshopper, so that’s a tough pill to swallow.  Our desires have become ingrained in who we think we are, so you may need to be at the end of your rope before you even consider giving up.  Plus, once you’re ready to give up, it may be too scary or you may not even know how.

Here is what I can offer if you are up to the challenge.  Things are not as bad as you think.  Not getting what you want is more important than getting what you want.  You are not being mistreated or punished by anyone other than yourself.  Take a close look at a desire that seems out of reach and see if it’s actually a need or just a want.  What’s the worst thing that could happen if a desire is not met?  How would you feel if you wanted what you already had?  How would you feel if you didn’t want anything other than what you have right now?  Would you feel complete?  Pick a desire and take a deep look at this.

The mind’s job is to step in here and say, “Without desire I wouldn’t have anything to work toward.  I wouldn’t get anything done.  I’d be stuck, complacent, etc.”  What if your mind is completely wrong about all of this stuff?  Have you ever been wrong about anything?  Be honest now.  What if Life has your best interest at heart and will not steer you wrong?  What if you can’t steer at all?  Can you trust Life enough to let it do the steering?  It already is, afterall.

There is nothing wrong with desire, but if you get too attached to the outcome it can lead to stress and suffering when things don’t work out.  Desires come and go whether you like it or not, so let a desire serve as a sign post and watch to see if it was meant to be attained or not.  If not, no big deal.  You’ve just gained more insight by not getting what you want, and Life may have created a new direction for you, which has it’s own sense of desire.  Life’s desire for you is for you to stop making your happiness contingent on attaining some future goal and to be happy Now.  Everything else will fall into place just as it should and when it should.  Trust me ;)

Yours Truly,

Trey

Living with the Buddha

I have been using a mantra of sorts lately when I'm feeling a bit stressed out by "others" -- "I am living with the Buddha." This applies to your significant others, or people that you only see on occasion. When you are encountering someone, you are living with them in that moment, and they are your teacher. And, as with various approaches to teaching Zen, the form of the teaching can vary from a compassionate embrace to a yelling drill Sargent. When you feel at odds with what is being encountered, try reminding yourself that you are living with, and being confronted by the Buddha. Their mission, even if they are unaware, is to get you to "wake up," which is to say realize that your beliefs about what "should" and "shouldn't" be are what holds you back from realizing the peace that lies prior to judgment. Welcome the teaching in whatever form it takes, and gratitude replaces attitude.

Be well,
Trey

A Few Simple Steps: The List

It came to me to compile steps that may be useful to the growing number of people seeking to know them Selves, or to Awaken, become Enlightened, or just get some damn peace.  We’ll just call it “The List” for the sake of ease.  Hopefully these will help “you” as much as they did “me.” (Preface everything with “In my experience.”)

1. Notice - Practicing mindfulness, or becoming the witness of your thoughts, is one of the most powerful things you can do (or not do).  It seems like it takes work to start paying attention to the thoughts you have always been so attached to, but it’s less of a doing and more of an allowing.

2. Allow -  When something (a life event of some sort) happens, we automatically allow and recognize it right away.  Judgement comes a second later to, inadvertently, disguise that something as good or bad.  That’s where the change happens and a story is born that takes you further from the truth.  Knowing that you already allow everything isn’t enough, though, because judgments are what the unconscious mind is made up of.  We have to consciously accept the things that would ordinarily upset us in order to transcend judgments.  To do so we witness our thoughts, or physical reactive patterns, and train ourselves to notice those cues from the Universe.  This is also part of the witnessing (re)training program.

3. Accept - At first I thought Accept and Allow were the same, but there is a fine line distinguishing the two of them.  Allowing means that you’re admitting that what has been done, has been done, which can leave one feeling a bit detached.  This is like the phrase, “It is what it is,” that I’ve been hearing lately.  I find it encouraging to see a more non-judgmental way of thinking manifesting through this simple phrase, but full acceptance is deeper than that.  In full acceptance, the true depth of the inevitability and necessity of this moment is experienced.  A relaxation occurs naturally as we realize the fruitlessness of arguing with what has already happened.  Regardless of what we believe, it had to be this way, right here, right now.  From this realization, a sense of appreciation or gratitude can arise naturally.  Not necessarily gratitude for what’s happened, but a gratitude for the realization that it had to be this way, and that no amount of trying on your part could have made a difference.  What a relief.  Now I can be more present and not dwell on the past.

4. Present moment awareness - Acceptance applies to the Nowness of the present moment, the isness of Now.  The thing is, the Now is the only thing that can be fully accepted because there is no room for judgment in the present moment.  When it comes to practicing being present in your life, there appears to be a continuum of depth.  First, we use mindfulness to recognize when we are playing out past and future in our minds, then bring our attention back to the Now.  This helps us create more peace by gradually disassociating from the stories we tell ourselves.  On a deeper level, when we are Fully Present, judgment ceases to exist and everything is seen as being new and fresh, totally unclouded by the past.  Then, and only then, can the miraculousness of an ever changing world be fully recognized.  The Joy of Being is born out of the recognition that nothing is real outside of this moment.

5. Remember - It seems almost contradictory to remember (Latin root “Call to Mind”) to be present because it uses our “mind” to look at what’s beyond it.  But the mind is an indispensable tool, even when it comes to transcending itself.  Realizations, awakenings, etc., become tangible thoughts that can be conveyed in words, even if the words fall short of the simplicity of Now.  “Just this.”  Remember that there is just This.  You are always fully present and aware of your existence.  We’ve been in forgotten mode so long that it feels like we never knew it to begin with.  Just remember the simplest pointer(s) that work for you.  They will undoubtedly change as the journey unravels before you.  Leave yourself notes if you need to, just to remind yourself that all there is is Now, and that all is well.  Always!

6. Gratitude - There is so much in this Universe to be grateful for that you don’t have to look far to find 10 things.  The mere existence of this planet is miraculous, not to mention that you exist to enjoy it.  Even if you find something “wrong” or “bad” about a given situation in your life, from terrorist attacks to car accidents, it is impossible not to find something positive that came from that.  Once you start to see the “silver lining” you start seeing it everywhere.  Gratitude for your pure existence is enough, but your existence is not separate from the existence of the whole, which means gratitude becomes universal.  Look at the silver lining without feeling guilty about overlooking the “negative” in any situation.  There are enough people around to focus on the negative.  Let them do their job.  They don’t need your help.

7. Compassion - It comes with the understanding that things could not be any other way.  People could not be any way other than they are.  If “you” were in “their” shoes, having experienced their life, then you would be doing/saying exactly the same thing.  When we’re unconscious, we are just playing out a story and have no choice to change it, even if we pretend to.  You are them, and they are you.  The Awareness that is looking through your eyes right now, is the same Awareness that is looking through their eyes right now.  The shell and the mind are the only differences.  Compassion and empathy are at your finger tips at all times.  A simple shift in awareness is all it takes to forgive all.

8. Stopping - What’s the hurry?  Stop frequently, if only for a split second.  Waiting half a second before responding to someone can dramatically improve communication.  It’s not like stopping to think about what you are going to do or say, though that might happen.  It’s about breaking routine and habitual action.  That momentary pause gives us a quick dip into presence, which allows a lot more positive actions to manifest.  Take a deep breath if it helps bring the world to a seeming halt.  Take frequent stop breaks throughout the day, a couple of seconds here and there just to be still (mentally and physically).

9. Self Forgiveness - Spiritual seekers (a.k.a. people who want to be happy) may find a road map in the form of words from a spiritual teacher, and that be just what they need.  We seem to stumble upon teachings right when we need them, and we pick up the ones that resonate with us and leave the rest.  In a lot of cases, we continue to follow the map, memorize it, look beyond it, find what we’re looking for, then apparently lose what we were looking for.  Foretastes, glimpses, aha moments, awakenings, realizations, whatever you want to call experiencing Reality, leaves one with the knowing.  That knowing then gets used as a yard stick to judge our current situation.  If we’re not living that realization, then we don’t feel like we have it.  Even if someone tells you that “it” can’t be lost, it may serve as a further damper on things because that is not your experience.  The end result can vary from total disillusionment to disappointment to depression, or it can lead to a deeper level of acceptance and self forgiveness.  Like it or not, it has to be this way.  Your stress, anxiety, anger, fear, frustration, all emanate from a place of resistance to the way things are, and in many cases the way “you” are.  When you’re an Ass and you know better, when you find yourself being judgmental, when you lash out, when you do stupid things, it’s important to remember that those things are also necessary parts of your path. Welcoming even your ugliest parts of yourself brings about peace.  In fact, there’s no other way to.  You have to accept and forgive your unconscious behavior, in order to overcome those last pockets of resistence that hide out in self judgment.  Accepting what is, doesn’t stop “out there.”  It’s ALL inclusive.

10. Commitment - It seems at times like there is an insurmountable amount of mind identification going on, and that we are constantly getting sucked back into our egoic behavioral patterns.  As previously mentioned, that can lead to disillusionment unless accepted as part of your journey.  Constantly seeking anything, whether it be the present moment or self acceptance, can lead to burn out.  The thing is, you don’t have a choice but to continue doing what you’re doing.  If you’re reading these words, then you have already been bitten by the “enlightenment bug.”  You’re already committed to “waking up.”  You’re committed to giving up a great deal, especially the seeking itself.  Make a conscious commitment to allow Life to guide you.  Commit to surrender your beliefs in the name of Truth.  Commit to it ALL.