Out of Control

I hope you all are well. I'm sending this on the heels of the passing of my wife's uncle, who recently lost his battle with cancer. Since we have no control over when we die, what we do while we are here is always of the utmost importance. I hope the following will, in some way, help you enjoy your life to the fullest. After all, that's why I continue to share what I share.

One of the recurring themes in my readings and self inquiry lately has pointed me toward the idea that we are immersed in a continuous unfolding of events over which we have no control. What has been revealed to me more and more these days is that as things happen in our lives we impose thoughts on these happenings that make us think that we are somehow responsible for their occurrence. When in reality we can not know for sure, that we are actually responsible. It has been said many times by many different people that we are not the doer, nor are we the thinker. Our mind tells us that we are doing these things and can readily show us evidence of how true that is. But if you allow yourself to look deep enough to see the fallacy in that belief, you may get a glimpse of the freedom that can be experienced without that belief.

Byron Katie has this to say: “I invite everyone to notice where their hands are right now. Where their feet are right now and did you put them there? Did you plan it or was it a happening? You know, it could be that we are being done and everything else is just a story we’re believing and who would you be without your story? Not forever, but just right here, right now, in this moment, who would you be without your story?”

Our mind takes credit for what we do and may be uncomfortable with the idea that we are not the doer. It may think that it has to be a doer in order to get things done. The mind creates stories about what “it” does that just reinforce the illusion that the “it” doing things is the “me” I see myself as.

Jeannie Zandi poses these questions: “What if everything is always happening through you; not yours, not something you created? But is being created through you? What if it’s not up to you? What if it’s not even a little up to you?”

Eckhart Tolle points out that we are not the thinker. Instead we are being thought. In fact, our thoughts are not personal and have nothing to do with who we really are. They just arise and then disappear. When we believe them, we see ourselves as separate entities rather than the animating force behind our thoughts. His suggestion is to not take our thoughts all that seriously. Tolle also suggests that you can “choose” to step out of identification with the mind and into presence. But what is really happening when you choose to be present, is that presence is choosing to emerge. It appears that the little “me” is choosing it, but it is happening by itself. He points out that it is helpful to think that you are making it happen even though it is happening by itself through you.

Katie also has this to say, “Being present means living without control and always having your needs met. For people who are tired of the pain, nothing could be worse than trying to control what can’t be controlled. If you want real control, drop the illusion of control. Let life live you. It does anyway.”

I invite you to visualize what it would be like if you had no control over your life and where it takes you. Visualize what it would be like to know that everything that needed to be done would be done, right on time. What would it be like if every decision that needed to be made would be made through you and would be made in your best interest? I invite you to go deeply into what life would be like with the confidence that you are a puppet being guided through life by a force that knows what is in your best interest, where making mistakes are impossible. Observe that force in action as it breaths you, feeds you, walks you down the sidewalk, or drives you down the road. What does that experience look like for you?

For me it looks like total freedom. Total inner peace and acceptance of what is become the norm. From that place I could go about life following it wherever it decided to take me, without worry or stress or conflict, with a deep knowing that whatever happened was exactly what I needed. I wouldn’t become complacent, or worry about complacency, because something wants to experience this life to its fullest through me.

Michael Gazzaniga, a prominent neuroscientist, has this to say, “The left brain weaves its story in order to convince itself and you that it is in full control... What is so adaptive about having what amounts to a spin doctor in the left brain? The interpreter is really trying to keep our personal story together. To do that, we have to learn to lie to ourselves.”

Here is another quote from an interview with Byron Katie: “You know what I love about this world? No control. No control. Oh my goodness! What could be better than that? We are not the doer. We can just watch.” But when we believe the thoughts that say we are in control, and things don’t go our way, we become frustrated. When thought arises, and we see that thought as just another happening, we don’t use them to delude ourselves into thinking we are the doer.

John Sherman has this to say: “The idea that you are in charge of how this form [our body] meets the needs of others is arrogance. The idea that you are the one who is responsible for determining that just the right thing is said, or just the right thing is given, is arrogance... It is not your job to decide how you should be used. Really. You have no idea. Well, maybe you do have an idea, but ideas are useless!”

There is quote after quote I could share with you from various sources. Instead I just invite you to entertain the possibility that we are "being done" rather than "doing the doing". To do so makes surrender so much easier, and surrendering to what is is the ultimate key to peace.

When I asked Jeannie Zandi about how free will fit into the grand scheme of things, she said, “We must function with a full intentioned heart and at the same time with a sense of the futility of changing anything without the will of God. Basically that's what we surrender to - the Holy Will - and what we surrender is our own will.”

Katie puts it like this, “When you no longer have a will of your own, there is no time and space. It all becomes a flow. You don’t decide, you flow from one happening to the next, and everything is decided for you.”

Enjoy the ride. You can’t do it wrong :)
Peace,
Trey

Driving Lessons

Three and a half years after being diagnosed with epilepsy and losing my driving privileges, I am now back in the driver’s seat. It was so beneficial for me to be relegated to the passenger seat all of these years, and I am just now realizing the significance of it all. It helped teach me surrender and acceptance of not being in control. I’ve ridden with many different people with different driving styles over the years and have had to put my faith in each one to get me from point A to B.

I wouldn’t say that I made a “good” passenger necessarily. There were countless times, while riding with my wife (who is a very good driver by the way), that I over reacted to situations by grabbing the “oh shit” handle. That tended to stress her out even more and it showed a lack of trust in her abilities. But I occasionally found myself preparing for what I thought would be certain impact. In effect, I was reacting to a future possibility that never happened. I gradually improved in my ability to remain present and allow it all to be.

Now that I am back behind the wheel I’m learning a great deal more about what driving is really about. I have tended to be a bit more inconsistent than I used to be, sometimes going under the speed limit and sometimes over, always knowing that I’m going the right speed. I’m just taking in the scenery from a whole new perspective. My wife, who is now having to adjust to passenger life with someone who doesn’t drive the way she does, sometimes points out that I am driving too slow or too fast. I’ve had a few good laughs over her comparing me to a 90 year old driver.

But one of the things I’ve noticed from this is that if I believe the thought that I am doing it wrong, I create stress for myself. It’s not her comments about my driving, it’s my reaction to them that does that. I love that. I can be a stress free driver if I so choose.

However, there is this whole other side of driving that I am rediscovering. Bad drivers used to be one of my pet peeves when I was behind the wheel. I lost that pet peeve as a passenger because it wasn’t my problem to deal with anymore, which gave me the ability to see the hidden lessons for those who were impacted by poor driving. Now I’m getting to see my old reactive patterns resurface. I see how easy it is for me to project onto other drivers.

For example, if I’m going the speed limit and someone behind me is following closely, I project that they are in a hurry and I am slowing them down. I can’t know that for sure, but when I believe that thought it creates tension in me. I notice a tendency to always be checking in with the surrounding cars and projecting how my driving is impacting their view of me. I notice tension in my right thigh, which has so much “riding” on it. (On a side note, I had a lot of body work done a few months back and discovered a great deal of pent up emotional energy in my right thigh).

Also, when I get in a situation where I cut off someone (it’s happened a time or two), I can create a whole story for the other person on how they might be angered by what I have done. I notice my tendency to justify my actions, possibly even blaming them. I can monitor them in my rearview, looking for evidence to support my belief about how they must be feeling. I see that happen and realize I am, again, the cause of my own stress. I’m seeing how I concoct stories about the drivers around me and how I’m affected by seeing them as stories instead of just other people going from point A to B, going through the same things I’m going through. What a wonderful lesson it has been to see driving without the stories.

Driving can be such a relaxing meditation when I don’t allow myself to believe the stories I create. I can give my full attention to the beautiful scenery, the road ahead, and allow myself to relax, knowing that whatever will be will be, as well as see things that cause tension as opportunities for personal growth. I’m being propelled through space, not knowing what the next moment will bring, without the stress of how I will react to it. Ultimately, even though I’m the one driving, I’m not in control anyway. But that’s another observation in and of itself. May you drive safely and without stories :)
In peace,
Trey

When to Act vs When to Accept

One of the gray areas for me on my journey has been acting on vs. accepting what is. I would like to share with you my own experiences with this in terms of interpersonal relationships, as well as what I have read.

As an example, when I am engaged in a conversation with someone and they say something that I feel is untrue about myself, I accept that rather than react to it (unless I slip up). In fact, I go a step further to look for the truth in what is being said to me. Other people tend to point out the things in us that we don’t want to deal with or haven’t dealt with yet, especially if what they are saying causes an emotional reaction in us.

Aside from that, what they are saying is true for them even if I see it as being false. Sometimes I see how another person is actually projecting their own issues onto me, but I don’t point that out to them as that is their business. Plus, I may be tempted to use that observation as an escape route from my own culpability. The main thing I do is notice how I feel when that happens and respect the other person where they are on their journey. I don’t try to convince them they are wrong.

The reality of this moment is what is being presented to us, regardless of what form that takes. As Byron Katie points out, “When I argue with reality, I lose – but only 100% of the time.” So rather than argue with reality because I don’t like what it has presented, I try to make peace with it and take action from that space. I remember that we are always being presented with exactly what we need at this moment, otherwise it would not be happening. I try to look at my life situation as if it is calling me to awaken. Life serves as my mirror. My ideas about myself are projected out onto others and I can learn from that if I am open and not in a state of resistence.

It’s also been illustrated to me that someone else's pain that they take out on you, in the form of anger or hostility, ultimately may have nothing to do with you. It has to do with their own past pain. This makes it much easier for me not to take things personally, or at least notice when I do. If someone seems angry at me, I know deep down that I am playing an important role in bringing something to that person's attention that they have not dealt with yet, just as they are doing for me. I am just a mirror of them and vise versa, so I try to look at it from that perspective. Regardless of whether we are acting consciously or unconsciously, we are all part of a universal process designed to bring about freedom in one another, whether we like it or not, accept it or resist it.

When someone close to me is suffering and I want to help but don’t know what to do, I can accept "not knowing" as it is. In so doing, I have had ideas come to me out of that state of accepting my own confusion. In effect, clarity can come from a state of confusion when we surrender to the fact that we don’t have a clue what to do. Meditation can also aid in finding the "right" action by becoming fully present and putting out an intention or question. It's said that we can not ask a question we don't already know the answer to, which I have found to be true. That means we just need to clear our minds so that answer can come to us.

At this stage I am constantly seeing how identification with the past creates hostility and suffering in myself and other people. When I see two people arguing or saying things designed to hurt, or complaining about something someone said to them, I see how simple it would be for them to release that feeling, simply by doing The Work (as Byron Katie refers to it) on the issues at hand, or by becoming fully present with no concept of an imagined past. It is not the other person causing the suffering we experience, it’s our own thoughts about the situation or person. I typically don’t offer this up to people because they may not want to rid themselves of those feelings for fear of losing their victim identity or having to admit they might be wrong. That’s a scary concept for the ego.

The conclusion I have come to is to accept, then act if need be. If I can’t accept something, I look within to see what is causing the resistence. It always has to do with me and not someone else. Once my present situation is accepted fully, I can then act more efficiently than when I am in resistence. Resistence just creates more resistence in the mirror of the world we are looking at, so it’s up to me (and you) to make the world a better place.

Below are some quotes from “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie I think you will enjoy.
Be well,
Trey

If [he] says something that hurts, he’s just revealed what you haven’t wanted to look at yet. The man is a Buddha.
P 133

[W]e’re babies just learning how to live out our love. We keep trying to meet love in everything and everyone, because we haven’t noticed that we already have it, that we ARE it.
P 261

What I love most about reality is that it’s always the story of a past. And what I love most about the past is that it’s over.
P 269

“It’s a tree. It’s a table. It’s a chair.” Is it true? Have you stopped to ask yourself? Have you ever become still and listened as you asked you? Who told you it was a tree? Who was the original authority? How did they know? My entire life, my entire identity, had been built on the trust and uninquiring innocence of a child.
P 300

But even the Now is a concept. Even as the thought completes itself, it’s gone, with no proof that it ever existed, other than as a concept that would lead you to believe it existed, and now that one is gone too. Reality is always the story of a past. Before you can grasp it, it’s gone. Each of us already has the peaceful mind that we seek.
P 303

We [the world around you] don’t know how to change; we don’t know how to forgive or how to be honest. We’re waiting for an example. You’re the one. You are your only hope, because we’re not changing until you do. Our job is to keep coming at you, as hard as we can, with everything that angers, upsets, or repulses you, until you understand. We love you that much, whether we’re aware of it or not. The whole world is about you.
P 310

Memories

I know by now you are well familiar with the idea that the present moment is all there ever is, has been or will be, but I wanted to use memories as an example of how one can touch that which is always present. Think back to your earliest memory. Visualize it as if you are reliving it. For me this was when I was two years old. My mom was going into the hospital to give birth to my brother. I was in the car with my uncle Bill and I had a can of peanuts between my legs. As we were pulling away I spilled the peanuts between my legs. As I was trying to pull them out from under me I realized that they had slid so far up under me that I couldn’t reach them. So I lifted my butt up and as I did the peanuts went sliding back under the seat and into the floor board (the back of the seat had a gap where it met the bottom seat). I also remember my uncle being a bit flustered by this.

When I think back on this memory, I look at what has not changed since then. The one who witnessed it all happen is the same one who is witnessing these words being typed on a screen. It is the same “I” that has witnessed all of my life situations and will continue to witness all of my life situations. It has not changed through out my entire life. My physical body has changed, my thoughts and ideas have changed, my likes and dislikes have changed; but that “I” that has witnessed it all has not changed. That is the ever present awareness of what goes on in daily life. Everything we experience happens in the space of that awareness, which is untouched by the mental interpretations of those experiences. The mind labels, judges and learns from these experiences, but the awareness behind it all has no stake in the outcome. It is simply here.

When you look back on any of your past experiences you are “seeing” them Now from that same awareness. Focusing your attention on that awareness is how you can “see” that which you really are, underneath the thoughts and mental labels. Asking yourself, “Who am I?” or “Who is this “I” that is witnessing all of these things happen (past or present)?” is a very effective way of turning your awareness back on itself, or becoming aware of awareness.

This awareness, which is the only thing about us that is real, is not ours alone. In fact, that awareness is what we all have in common. We are all that same ever present awareness beyond thought. That is what makes us all one.

Once you have become aware of your own awareness you can then look at others with that awareness and see them as that same awareness. They may look and act differently, have different life experiences, but deep down they are nothing more than that same pure awareness. You can, in effect, look through the eyes of another and see that there is a background of awareness behind everything they say, do and see.

It’s from this space of recognizing all as awareness where true compassion arises. Ultimately there is no difference between me and you. We are all just conscious awareness. This is what all of the spiritual teachings are pointing toward. They all provide pointers to going beyond thought so that we can view the world as this awareness, and, in so doing, Be that which we already are. Interacting with life situations from that space is how we can achieve a state of peace. A peace that most of us have only briefly glimpsed in our lives.

There are many practices that assist in disassociating with thoughts so that we can rest in that spacious awareness, but one of the most simple (other than self inquiry) is one that is mentioned in The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Ask yourself, “I wonder what I am going to think next?” Then focus your attention and wait for a thought to occur as if you were a cat intensely watching a mouse hole. When a thought occurs, let it go and ask the question again. Then go back to waiting for the next thought. While in that state of waiting, without thought, you are completely present as that awareness.

There are many other portals to connecting with awareness and I recommend you try them all. Don’t just try them once. Engage in them on a regular basis throughout your day. It will become easier and easier to go deeper into self awareness. Just be still.
In peace,
Trey

The Circle of Life - a brief overview

A few years ago, after I was diagnosed with epilepsy out of the blue, I began a search for answers. Within a few months it became clear that I was not going to find any clear cut answers regarding my diagnosis, but I felt driven to find out as much as I could about everything and anything. I consumed books on every imaginable subject from the brain to physics to religion to cosmology, etc. I eventually discovered what I had actually been searching for all along: Truth.

Over the past few years I have been sharing my experiences along the way with all of my friends and family in the hopes that my search would be contagious. After reading multiple books from multiple teachers, I have been lead to the point where all of the paths converge. This is my attempt to encapsulate all that I have learned.

The present moment is all there ever really is. Life is always unfolding right Now. The situations that arise are largely (if not completely) out of our control. It is not the situations that cause us pain, it is our thoughts about them. Events and situations can be blamed or resisted but it does not change the fact that they are here now. This is where acceptance comes into play. If you want to be truly happy in all that you do, the acceptance of what is is a crucial element. It’s profoundly simple actually. If you want to live a life of joy, simply love what is, in this moment.

Our beliefs are at the center of all of our negative emotions. When we encounter something that causes discomfort, we “believe” that what’s happening should not be happening. Beliefs are simply thought patterns we have picked up along the way that we use to judge the world around us. As I once read, if you think something is a fact rather than a belief, ask yourself if there is one person in the world who would disagree with that “fact”. If the answer is yes, then it is a belief and not a fact. When we believe things should be a certain way, we create the stage for disappointment and pain because things will not always fit in our belief system.

We are actually not who we think we are. We are so identified with our thoughts that we can’t see what lies underneath. What lies underneath is often referred to as awareness or consciousness. That is what we are. It is ever present but our thoughts cover up its existence. Our awareness is totally identified with our thoughts most of the time. Connecting with the awareness that we all are is true liberation from all pain and suffering, and we can connect with it anytime we so choose.

There are numerous ways to connect with who we truly are, but they all have a common thread. Though it can be described in a number of ways, these descriptions are simply pointers and not the absolute truth. Here are a few ways you can find your true identity:

Focus all of your attention on what you are doing Now. Give each activity, regardless of how insignificant, you fullest attention.

Focus your attention on your inner body. Feel what it feels like to feel your body. Become aware of that force that animates your body and how it feels to abide in this body.

Accept what occurs each moment without resistence. If the situation calls for you to take action your action will come from a space of acceptance and will be a much more effective response to any given situation. Realize that what is going on now is exactly what “should” be happening. The universe is giving us just what we need to grow even if it doesn’t seem like it on the surface.

Ask yourself, “Who am I?” Don’t look for an answer to the question. Simply focus your attention inward. Ask yourself repeatedly and “look” behind the question to see who it is that is asking the question. Who is it that is aware of the question being asked?

What all of the above practices have in common is that they stop the incessant stream of thoughts that pervade our everyday lives. It allows awareness to become aware of itself, and/or allows awareness space to act through us. This is a very powerful experience, but don’t create any preconceived notions about what it “should” be like. Don’t even do it with the intention of “getting” something out of it. These are the crafty thought patterns that can distract you from experiencing who you truly are. They allow you to judge the situation to see if you are doing it right.

One of the e-books I read recently (which is available for free at the link below) provides a clear understanding of the self inquiry method mentioned above. The book is called Meeting Ramana Maharshi by John Sherman. John is an ex-bank robber turned spiritual teacher and does an excellent job of putting Ramana’s teachings into perspective.

http://www.riverganga.org/

After reading it I began to practice focusing my awareness on the awareness that I am. It is simply a shift in perspective that is so obvious it gets overlooked, which is why it is often referred to as the cosmic joke. We’ve always been awareness and it’s been under our nose all along. So simple but so oddly difficult. My experience with turning my attention inward makes the world come alive. The colors and textures become much more vivid. Thought subsides and I am able to just Be. (See also my previous post on The Moving Sidewalk of Life) As John says, this inquiry is self realization and if you continue to practice it you will eventually no longer need to practice. It will become your normal state of being.

If you are interested in finding out who you truly are and freeing yourself from all forms of suffering, all it takes is your strong intention to do so and you will succeed. I highly recommend downloading the free e-book mentioned above and practicing turning your attention inward as often as possible. Incorporating daily meditation into your routine is extremely valuable regardless of how much time you take. Meditation can then become a part of your everyday life.

I wish you the very best in all that you do and am grateful that you took the time to read this. May it benefit you in some way. Wishing you eternal peace and love. After all, that’s what you already are even if you haven’t noticed yet :)
Trey

It's okay to love

We recently were faced with the tough decision many pet owners face in their lives: having a beloved pet put down. It was tougher than usual because she (Lotus) was still alert and at times energetic. But she just would not eat. She had been fasting off and on for a couple of weeks (probably close to a month) despite all of the various home cooked combinations and appetite stimulants we tried. Since she had become so thin and was eating just barely enough to stay alive we decided the time had come and that she was not going to make it much longer.

It was difficult on many levels, as many of you already know. But I learned something very valuable from it all. At one point, about a week before we actually had her put down, I was sitting with her on the couch petting her and crying as if it were her last night with us. It occurred to me as my tears fell on her that I was mourning a dog who had not died yet and that I was living in the future. It’s inevitable that we are all going to die and it could happen at any time. But we don’t spend our lives mourning about the death of a loved one, or our own death for that matter. This realization helped me come back to the present moment and just shower her with love, enjoying the fact that I was spending quality time with her Now.

After my first dog died as a young boy, I took it hard and a part of me closed up and became resistant to love for fear of the inevitable pain I might feel if the object of my love were taken away, by death or some other means. I didn’t really want to have dogs around because I knew I would likely out live them and have to go through the pain of losing them. But dogs have always been in my life, trying to teach me things I did not want to face. One of which was my fear of becoming too attached. This was a sort of protecting measure that kept me from loving as deeply as I could, and I think a part of that has stuck with me through out the years.

Around the time Lotus began her decline, a dear friend of mine entered my life and was reassuring me that it’s okay to love, reminding me that our true essence is love. But it was not solidified in me until the day we had Lotus put down. That day the lesson hit home: it’s okay to love. There may be grief when the physical form of the object of our love disappears, but their essence does not leave us. They remain a part of who we are. The grief we experience is yet another form of love, and though the grief passes, the love never does.

From my experience you can either allow the death of a loved one to harden your heart and make you bitter, or you can realize that death is inevitable. Life is short so don’t make your life miserable about something that hasn’t happened yet or happened in the past. Enjoy it while you have it. I take comfort in the idea that nothing real ever dies, it just changes forms.
Peace,
Trey

The moving sidewalk of life

Here is the quote that I would say best describes what I have experienced lately.

"Keep your focus peripheral as you look out from this inner cave, from this sweetness. Let your eyes, instead of actively looking out at the world, simply receive the world. Instead of putting your public face on, let innocence be there, let openness be there, let the world come right inside to you without moving a muscle to try and manage it. Openness itself sitting in a chair, daring to not have a strategy about how to get through the next moment, just openly here and receiving."
Jeannie Zandi

We were recently staying at a hotel which had some elaborate decor. One day while riding the escalator up to the second floor, I decided to take a moment to be present, after all I was being propelled toward my destination without effort and could just take a moment to absorb what was around me. I looked into the huge chandelier that hung from the ceiling next to the escalator and allowed myself to look at it from the perspective of the observer that lives within my body, and yet has never seen anything before because all it knows is the present moment. A warm and tingly feeling came over me as my awareness shifted to that of a peripheral one in which I became aware of everything in my peripheral vision as well as what was right in front of me. In effect, my awareness grew to the point where it seemed almost like an out of body experience in that I was not attached to my body, I was the witness of it and all that was around it (hearing, seeing, and smelling it all).

I engaged in this exercise or shift in awareness quite often while at the hotel and it seems to take a simple shift in awareness, or point of view, from person to observer. Most of the time I did it when I was alone such as when I went to the bathroom or was walking alone or riding elevators, etc. I like the metaphor of the escalator because it seems to come close to an accurate description of our lives. To a certain extent we are at the mercy of where we are taken and what appears in our field of awareness.

It was during these moments when the teachings and techniques we have learned about (such as present moment awareness, being the witness or observer of our thoughts, we are consciousness or awareness, ego and thoughts hide it, etc.) all made sense. But I saw them for what they are: pointers that do not accurately describe the truth which can only be experienced.

I often ran into the ego during these brief moments. It was seen from a new perspective of clarity, though it's hard to put into words. But it was seen clearly that ego was an obstacle to this present moment experience and could easily hide it. I understood that it (the present moment) was always here right under the surface of our identification with thought. Thoughts had to be still to see it (or were stilled by allowing myself to see it) and breathing, inner body awareness, and relaxation were seen for their importance as this experience can cause some bodily tension and "stuff" to come up.

The basic experience was one of peace, realization, as well as some compassion for those who had not discovered what is always here but so rarely seen. I got the sense that there are different depths to the experience, but I never spent long diving deeper. It took making a conscious choice to see and I did not choose it for long periods. Instead I practiced connecting for brief moments and occasionally while I was in the presence of others, trying to give them my full awareness (a bit more difficult).

I have to say that it can be easy to connect with, but at the same time very difficult for me to maintain. However, sometimes it seems easier to become fully present than others, so I hope to continue this practice and deepen it when the opportunity allows.

Below is another inspiring quote I ran across that enabled me to connect fully with the present moment.

"Now is the time to have a direct introduction to this moment. This moment is free of time, of mind, of any notions...introduce yourself to this moment."
Papaji - http://www.avadhuta.com/

Peace,
Trey

Miscellaneous Quotes and Realizations

Below are some things that have come my way that I have written down over the last few months. They serve as helpful reminders for me and I felt the need to share them with you in case they might be beneficial to you in your life. Feel free to share with others. I hope you enjoy.

“As soon as you learn how to treat your wife [significant other] with respect, you will have a much better life.” by Shelby Carland.

My wife is always good at pointing out when I am reacting out of habitual programming and not from a place of truth. Her gentle reminders help me realize when I am neither being present nor mindful in my interactions. Our significant others can be very valuable teachers when it comes to recognizing our own ego.

“There’s no better song in the world than the one you are listening to right now.” note to self

This one came to me one evening while listening to the radio and a song that moved me came on. I hadn’t heard it before, but I allowed myself to open up as I listened. The message hit home with a great deal of energy but I realized that all songs can be just as powerful if we allow ourselves to listen to them without judgement, as if it is the first time we had ever heard music before. Each note disappearing forever as it is replaced by a new one.

“Give EVERYTHING you do your fullest attention.” note to self

When I realized how being fully present could be maintained in daily life, it became clearly summarized by these words. If you are giving what you are doing your full attention, there is no room for dwelling on the past or future. In fact, there is very little room for mental noise at all. Stillness and the significance of each simple thing captures the attention.

“My ego makes me do things I don’t want to do, and prevents me from doing things I want to do.” note to self

While I was paying attention to the thoughts going on in my head as I was doing something, I realized that I had stopped myself from doing something for fear of what someone might think. I’ve noticed that this happens quite a bit and feel grateful when I notice it. On the flip side of the coin, when I am identified with my ego (possessed by it is more like it), I do or say things that I did not want to do or say. The ego is on autopilot and just doing what it has done for years without my awareness. This is also nice to catch even if it is not caught until after the fact. Noticing is all it takes to be free of the ego’s control over us.

“Is there resentment in the action you’re doing right now? Did you know there didn’t have to be? Forgiveness can save the whole world from self destructing, but only if enough people participate. No one else will unless you do it first and continue to do it for the rest of your life. Once you take the first step, nothing else will matter.” note to self

This one came to me one morning when I was awakened by dogs needing out to pee. It was probably 4:00 or 5:00 a.m. and I reluctantly got up to walk them. As I was headed to the back door I realized that I was carrying resentment with me over having to do this on multiple occasions. I realized that my mind had created a mental story painting me as the victim. It was using the past to illustrate the unfairness of life (one of the ego’s favorite past times). I realized that having resentment was a choice and I chose not to engage in it. I became present and wiped my mind clear of past, as if this was the first time I had ever walked the dogs before dawn. What a blessing it turned out to be. I got to see the morning star in all it’s brilliance illuminating the woods around me. The predawn sky was just beginning to lighten and I felt honored to have seen something I would not have seen had it not been for the seeming inconvenience of being “awakened” from my sleep. I have since come to accept the role of early morning dog walker and try to use it as a way to see what it is I’m missing.

“True freedom and the end of suffering is living in such a way as if you had completely chosen whatever you feel or experience at this moment.” - Stillness Speaks, by Eckhart Tolle

I had to mention this Eckhart quote because it so beautifully sums up overcoming our ego identification. Why would there be any resentment if I chose this moment to be as it is? Why would there be any negative emotions at all? I have seen enough to feel that everything happens for a reason, which means that everything that comes my way does so for a reason far bigger than the mind can comprehend. Though we have no control over what happens in life and are at life’s mercy, we can choose how we feel about everything life throws at us. When it came to the resentment I had over dog walking, I realized I had a choice and I chose to accept what life had given me, which turned out to be a beautiful sky. Acceptance of what is is another way to sum it all up.

“The future is unknowable. The past is memory. The present is real.” note to self

Since I find myself spending time in the “what if” land of an imaginary future or dwelling on the memories of things that have already happened, I occasionally realize that these are just thoughts that are happening now. If I’m identified with my thoughts and don’t realize I’m thinking them, I am actually reliving the past or acting as if the future has already come. This makes these imaginary realms seem real. When I catch this I realize that there is only now and that the past has no power over me and the future only needs to be used for planning certain activities and not constantly through out the day. When you are able to step fully into the present you can stop to smell the roses and truly appreciate the life that is all around.

The following are exercises that I wrote down to help remind me of how I can connect with the present moment more easily. I've been trying to take mental notes on what makes it easier for me and those mental notes are typically what take me out of the Now. So it is a bit of a double edged sword, but one that I hope will benefit others. I call them Familiar Surroundings I and Familiar Surroundings II but they are interwoven.

Familiar Surroundings I
“View the world as if it’s the first time you’ve ever seen it. Pretend you’re a visitor to a place you’ve never seen before and get in the mind set of trying to take it all in as if it’s completely new and fascinating. Be in awe of everything around you, without judging it or getting caught up in the story behind it all. Then, do that in everything you do from going to the refrigerator to get something to eat or drink, to walking down the hall or street. Start doing it with all of your routine activities and it will breath new life into everything you do. You will start to see the truth in it all.”

I can typically connect with the present moment for short moments through out each day, but it is sometimes easier than others. It takes practice since we have been identified with our thoughts for so many years, but it does get easier with practice. The key is not to get frustrated when it seems hard to do.

Familiar Surroundings II
“Look out a window or stand outside looking at some trees, or the forest, or whatever happens to be in the surrounding area. Then ask yourself, "What if I had never seen this before and this was the first time in my life I had ever laid eyes on this? What would it look like to eyes that had never seen such a thing?" Then look around at everything in that context, as if it were all totally new to you. Allow a sense of awe and wonderment to fill your body over the miracle that you are witnessing. Let that sweep over your body and filly you with warmth. If thoughts arise, be the witness of those thoughts and don't follow them. Let them fall by the way side and continue to focus on the totally new and foreign sites you see as you look around. It may be helpful if thoughts come to stop and ask yourself, "Where am I?" Stay with it for as long as you can and just enjoy the feeling while it lasts.”

Distractions ultimately pop up that take away our attention, but the more times you can do that, the easier it gets. You may not feel the same warm and tingly feeling you would get from other experiences, but you are none the less in a state of limited or no thought. You are present in what you are doing and not focused on the future or past. Every little bit helps and makes it easier.

The last exercise I will leave you with is a popular form of self inquiry that has been suggested by many different spiritual teachers. It too can have a profound impact on connecting with who you truly are. We’ll call it the Who Am I exercise.

Right now, sitting where you are, reading these words, take a few moments to breath deeply and feel your body. Settle yourself... relax... come fully into this moment. Close your eyes for a moment if you need to, then proceed. As you look at the print on this page, ask yourself, “Who is here seeing these words?” Rather than searching for an answer with your mind, shift your attention to what is behind your eyes looking out of them. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” If thoughts arise notice them and ask, “Who has these thoughts?” “Who is the thinker of these thoughts?” Let thoughts fall away as you continue to look for who is behind them. Continue to ask questions and look deeper within. “What is it that sees these words?” “Who is looking through my eyes?” Feel for the answer. Turn your awareness inward and direct it at the one who sees. Look within to see who sees. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” on a regular basis and don’t try to find an answer, just experience what it’s like to connect with who you are.
In loving peace,
Trey

Eliminating Time

Quote from A New Earth:

"You cannot make the egoless state into a future goal and then work toward it... because it will always seem that you have not arrived yet... Look carefully to find out if your spiritual search is a disguised form of ego. Even trying to get rid of your “self” can be a disguised search for more if the getting rid of your “self” is made into a future goal". - P 206

When reading the quote above under Eliminating Time, I reread that first paragraph three times, with the full meaning hitting home harder and harder each time, taking me into wakefulness, as if I were watching a movie of my hands holding the book and the print on the page. A sense of joy pervaded me, as well as a little fear of the unknown. I realized that I had indeed made my quest for truth, to be free of ego, into just another obstacle to finding it. I realized that I could never find it if I was in search of it. It’s right here. Just step out of time.

Upon later observation I found that I unknowingly spend a great deal of my time thinking about what I’m going to say or do at some point, and wondering what to do or say next, what might happen if I do it next, what other people (or dogs) think of me, how I’m shaping that image, what’s expected of me, why I do these things, etc. I’m always looking for distractions to avoid being fully present, even if those distractions involve ways to get to the present moment. Lost in thought or doing, but not in what I’m doing right Now. Touching presence periodically but not committing. Where am I now? Words that help pull me back to center.

"So instead of adding time to yourself, remove time. The elimination of time from your consciousness is the elimination of ego. It is the only true spiritual practice... What we are speaking of is the elimination of psychological time, which is the egoic mind’s endless preoccupation with past and future and its unwillingness to be one with life by living in alignment with the inevitable isness of the present moment." - P 207

After reading this I stopped and tried to feel what that actually meant. I asked myself, "What would it be like if there was only now?" Rather than try to answer it with thoughts, I just experienced what life would be like if there was only Now. There is no past. There is no future. No yesterday or tomorrow. Any thoughts that arise regarding either are arising now. There is no five minutes from now. Only Now. I repeated to myself, "There is only Now," as I continued to walk, wash my hands, etc., knowing that each step I was taking was in the Now. Each thing I looked at I was looking at Now. The words I am typing I am typing Now.

Though the full impact of these connections may only be felt for a brief while, it is an exercise that can be done at any time and I highly recommend you give it a try. Feel what it would be like if there was only ever Now. Everything else is a figment of your imagination.

There is only now. Just immerse yourself in it.
Peace,
Trey

Love is in the Air

There are as many manifestations of love as there are stars in the sky. Everything we do we do out of love. We are the walking embodiment of love. Even those actions or feelings that seem on the surface to be linked to pain, anger, sorrow and so on, are nothing more than love being exhibited. Whether it be out of love for ourselves or love for others, it makes no difference. It is one and the same.

When we are grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of a relationship, it is out of love for that person. When we are angry at someone who has done us wrong, that too is out of love for ourselves and possibly that person. When we try to tell someone else how to live, it is out of love for that person. When we fight for what we believe is right, it is out of love for others as well as ourselves. It matters not whether you are at work making money for you and your family who need food to survive, or whether you are at rest indulging in your favorite intoxicant for the love of the feeling it brings with it.

Love is all around us and yet we don’t see it unless it is overt. When we see someone taking care of a loved one who is ill or when we see two people looking endearingly at one another, it is more clearly seen as love. Even punishing a child for wrong doing is more clearly an act of love on the surface (unless you are the child).

Even the ego, which tends to view itself as separate from and often better than others, seems to be just another manifestation of love. The ego wants to be loved by others. It wants to be thought highly of and have its feelings and beliefs honored and respected. It tends to dislike or judge others who do not fit into its strict mold of what is acceptable or threaten its self image, all in the name of love. In a way, the ego is trying to bring about the desired end result of love through its actions, without realizing its efforts are actually sabotaging its attempts to achieve the end goal. Herein lies the fundamental flaw. We must first realize everything is love before we can experience it as such, and the ego can’t help us do that.

To realize all is love and love is all, there must be an effort made to recognize the truth in the statement, “Everything is a manifestation of love.” If we hear this statement and make no effort to see the truth in it, then we go along doing what we have been doing with a sense of justification. Everything I do must be okay because it is just an example of my love for myself or someone else. To do this actually hides the love from yourself and those around you. When love is hidden from view, then what good can it bring?

Make an effort to bring love out of hiding in everything you do or think. Make love known. When love feels absent, go inside to look for it (see note below). When someone says something mean to you, or rubs you the wrong way, don’t just react out of habit. Look to see if there is actually a hidden motive tied to love. If our inner core feels threatened or hurt, we tend to react defensively to protect that core. That reaction creates a domino effect of reactivity. But it can be stopped at any time by simply recognizing the underlying motive of love that is being exhibited on both sides.

We’re all here to find love. Even the Beatles said, “all we really want, all we really need is love.” Ironically, it’s always here right under our nose. It’s as if we are fish swimming in an ocean of love so we don’t recognize it for what it is. Instead we focus all of our attention on all of the other fish in the sea who are also blind to the fact that they are living breathing manifestations of the same thing. Once you see it you will realize that you have been swallowed up by it all along. And what a wonderful feeling that is.
Peace and Love,
Trey

Note: One place to start looking for love within is through a technique that can be done anytime and anywhere. I try to do it as often as I can all day long, regardless of the activity at hand. You can read about it in a previous blog post at the link below. It helps to remember you are not looking for a thing but a feeling.
http://compassion-blog.blogspot.com/2007/08/what-am-i.html

Also, below is an excerpt from a book I recently read called The Translucent Revolution:

Who is here?

Right now, sitting where you are, reading these words, take a few moments to close your eyes and feel your body. Settle yourself... relax... come fully into this moment.

Can you see the print on this page/screen? It is seen, right? But seen by whom? In this very moment, outside memory or concept or images, who is seeing? Shift your attention for just a moment from the words on the page back to yourself. Perhaps you find thoughts and feelings. Shift your attention again from the thoughts and feelings, which are also experiences that are coming and going, back to yourself. What do you find when you look for the real thing, what you have called “me”? Do you find anything? Is there something there with substance, with form and edges?

Freedom to Feel

I was told recently by a very intuitive aunt-in-law that I was a highly sensitive person deep down and that I had put up barriers for unknown reasons to protect this sensitive core, which has left me somewhat cut off from my feelings. She told me to open myself up to experience these feeling when they arise instead of trying to keep them buried, so that they too could experience freedom. This was coming on the heels of me experiencing tears of joy during a satsang I attended (see previous blog post). The conversation struck a chord in me and I have been mindful of my feelings since then.

What I have noticed is that I have a tendency to avoid feelings as they arise (especially the ones that might cause tears). In the case of hearing about some tragedy in the world or some other story that might cause sorrow, I use my knowing that everything is innately perfect as a reassurance. However, I think there may be an inclination to hide out behind that knowing instead of actually experiencing these feelings to their fullest.

With all of the tragedy going on in the world today, it seems natural for us to avoid it to a degree, or at least turn off the part of us that might experience it on a personal level. Otherwise, we feel like we will get sucked into the endless drama of the world. However, this too can create a disconnect or resistance toward what is.

Since I have been more aware of feelings lately, I have had a few glimpses of this sensitive inner core that I have been protecting. The triggers have come in the form of a moving song, a news story, and meditation just to name a few. When I start to experience the precursor to tears welling up, something akin to fear steps in to prevent it from fully developing. It may be disguised by thoughts like, “I can’t just start crying for no reason, so and so will worry or think I’m crazy.” But deeper than egoic level fear is a feeling, “I can’t open myself that much because it will open me up to a whole new level of vulnerability so great it could kill me.” Therein lies what I think the fear is truly about. The fear of egoic death. Not just the fear of being free to express feelings over seemingly insignificant things, but the fear of being without the ego’s protection.

Here is a quote that came back to me recently while scanning through some audio clips on my computer. It’s from Adyashanti on a track labeled “What freedom really is.”

“[It is a] myth that [when I’m truly enlightened] I can rest in some assuredness that I will never again feel insecure, or feel fear, or feel doubt, or feel those emotions that we don’t want to feel. Forget it. That’s not it. That’s the pipe dream. That’s the opium that’s sold to the masses. And they eat it up and they never get there, and the end up disillusioned. That’s not how it works. Freedom is never freedom “from.” If it’s freedom “from” anything, it’s not freedom at all. It’s freedom “to.” Are you free enough to be afraid? Are you free enough to feel insecure? Are you free enough not to know? Are you free enough to know that you can’t know? Are you free enough to be totally comfortable, to know that you can’t know what’s around the next corner? How you will feel about it? How you will respond to it? That you literally can’t know? Are you free enough to be totally at ease and comfort with the way things actually are? That’s freedom. The other thing is the ego’s idea of freedom.”

Another audio I listened to recently by Pamela Wilson has several questions from people in the audience regarding how to deal with certain feelings that they considered unpleasant. Pamela likes us to invite those negative feelings into the light of our awareness and find out why they are arising. In one man’s case, who was suffering from grief over a lost relationship, their dialogue eventually lead to the heart of what that feeling truly was about. Below is paraphrased from the essence of that conversation.

“Sorrow and love are the same. How could we feel such sorrow if we weren’t capable of so much love. Sorrow comes to show us the depths of our love. We are caring itself, and always have been. We are love itself, and always have been. We just didn’t realize it. Sorrow just brings love down into the body. It’s funny how in the beginning emotions obscure who we are, then later they can help us realize who we are.”

Behind every seemingly negative emotion is our true loving self, trying to protect our true loving essence from harm. Whether we are feeling anxiety, frustration, or sadness, when you trace those feelings back to their origin you will likely find a defensiveness trying to protect you. Fear is often at the center of it, which triggers that defensiveness to step in with a response that has seemingly worked in the past to protect us. Once we see our “negative” feelings for what they truly are we can embrace those feelings as well. We can thank them for trying to protect us. After all, it’s happening out of love and for love’s sake.
Peace and love,
Trey

Tears of Joy

Hey,
A little over a week ago, I experienced something quite beautiful. I went to a satsang (Sanskrit - truth gathering) where a spiritual teacher by the name of Jeannie Zandi (http://jeanniezandi.com/) came to share with us her experience of being one with truth. It’s rare that I attend such things, in fact this was probably my first one that involved a live teacher as opposed to a prerecorded one. But I’m quite grateful for the opportunity.

We began with a meditation and sat in silence until the last participant arrived (there were nearly 30 of us). As she began speaking I tried to maintain my level of awareness. She spoke for a little while and then began taking questions from the group. There were a few times early on when something was said that resonated so deeply in me that I began to get teary eyed, but I don’t remember now the specifics of what it was that was being talked about at the time.

It was about halfway through or so, when one of the participants started talking about how she knew that everything was beautiful and perfect and so forth, but Jeannie interrupted to tell her to use the first person. Then, the woman began saying things like, “I am beautiful, I am perfect, I am beauty, I am...” While she was talking I finally opened up fully to the fact that she was speaking for me, as well as everyone else in the room. I realized and accepted that she was me speaking to me for my benefit, and I began to cry. The tears kept coming and they kept talking. The man sitting next to me put his hand on my back and told me not to hold back and to be with it, for which I was quite grateful as my mind may have began making me uncomfortable had I let it. He and the woman sitting next to him (possibly his wife) provided me with tissue and continuous support. He also told me that it tends to come in waves. This obviously meant that this was not an uncommon experience, but as far as I could tell I was the only one crying uncontrollable tears of joy.

Jeannie did make a comment about it not being a satsang until someone was crying, but the questions and answers continued as I cried. I was not judging myself and not experiencing anything other than a beautiful warm and tingly feeling throughout my body. There was no need to analyze or question as everything seemed to make perfect sense. Once in a while my tears would subside a bit, but something else would be said that brought up laughter and more tears. As far as I can tell I spent the last hour of the meeting crying and laughing at things that were not necessarily funny or sad. It was a surprisingly liberating and beautiful experience.

Toward the end my tears subsided a bit as a man was asking about how we sustain states such as the ones that are experienced during satsang. I knew this was something I too would be curious about if I were not already in a state of joy, plus just pondering such a question seemed a foreign idea at the time. I don’t remember exactly what Jeannie’s response was now, but it made perfect sense and I think had to do with him examining who it was that was asking the question (the thinking mind which like to remain in control or the Self).

One of the last questions was from a woman who apparently thought that everyone else was experiencing the same level of pain she had, and pointed at me as an example. Apparently she had her own pain and was projecting it on me, assuming I was experiencing tears of sadness. Jeannie was quick to point out that we do not all have the same pain that she was experiencing.

After she finished answering the last question, Jeannie asked the other participants if they would like to check in with me. They expressed interest so she turned to me and asked almost jokingly if I had anything I would like to share with the group about my experience. Then, I began speaking clearly and easily about my experience, without any nervousness or awkwardness that I might have ordinarily experienced in such a situation with a room full of strangers. I started by saying comically, “She started it,” and pointed at the woman (me) who had described herself (me) earlier. I then explained all I could about the experience and clearly stated that they were not tears of sadness to make sure there were no misunderstandings. After I finished I said, “I hope that lived up to everyone’s expectations,” and we all had a chuckle.

I was in a very good mood for the next couple of days and found it easy to laugh and easy to tear up with joy when remembering that night. It was also easy for me to see the innate beauty that is all around us, in the trees, the sky, the ground, pretty much everything. As time passed I became more entrenched in my own thoughts about the events around me and thought again became my predominant state of mind.

Though it can be frustrating to experience states such as this and then lose them, it is important not to get attached to a past experience, which may be one of the beneficial lessons to be learned from this. It also points to other things which we are still attached to. The mind likes being in control and likes figuring things out. It’s hard for it to accept that it can not understand everything and it will keep trying if you let it. For me, the veil separating me from my Self has been pulled back and then closed a couple of times now, but it does seem a bit thinner. I’ll be there once I realize I’m already there and not a moment before ;) So will you.
Peace,
Trey

Giving Thanks

Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment (Eckhart Tolle).

There is a conspiracy a foot to bring you to a point where you are experiencing eternal gratitude for everything you encounter. Everyone and everything you encounter are involved, from the person who cut you off in traffic, to the pile of dog poop you stepped in while walking in the park, to the person in the express line with more than twelve items, to the stranger who smiled at you on the street. Their aim is to remind you that all of your suffering is self created through your identification with thoughts. Thoughts are simply electrical impulses that occur in the brain and what happens in our lives is neither bad nor good until they are interpreted through thought.

All of our emotions are reflections of what we are thinking at the time. Frustration, anger, resentment and fear all happen as a result of our thoughts about a situation, not as a result of the situation itself. This is what our coconspirators are trying to tell us. If we want to be free of negativity, we can learn a great deal from them.

When we treat everyone we come in contact with as a noble messenger who is trying to protect us from our thoughts, we enable the conspiracy to work more effectively rather than fight it. Gratitude is the natural outcome. We then feel like giving thanks to all of those around us who have helped us on our journey, which is ultimately everyone.

Our free will enables us to choose whether to identify with our thoughts and take them to be the absolute truth, or to choose to realize that they are not who we are. Feeling gratitude is a choice we can make as well as our natural state of being concealed behind a layer of thought, which is why this time of year is so valuable. It reminds us to set aside trivial matters and connect with that state of gratitude that is in us all. As for me, I am grateful for the role you play in the conspiracy to bring about my realization and show my thanks by doing the same for you.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Trey

Profoundly Meaningless Words

Hello,
I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for being a part of my email list, despite the fact that some of you may think I’m a bit off my rocker ;) . I think of each of you quite often despite the fact that I seem to only contact you when I’m contacting others. Some of you are familiar with the things I talk about in my emails and have had similar experiences or read similar books, and some of you have no interest what so ever and may even delete the messages when you see who they are from. However, after a friend of mine recently said that she could not meditate unless she was getting a tattoo, I realized that there are probably a large number of people I know who have never tried to meditate at all.

A day or so after that conversation, a very simple and profound meditation technique came to me that I have used before. However, this time I realized just how powerful and simple it actually is. I call it the Blah Blah Blah technique. So, whether you are an old pro at meditation or have never tried it before, I’d like you to take a moment right now to try this technique. You can either do it with your eyes open or closed, but you might want to do it with your eyes closed if you have never tried to meditate before.

Take a deep breath and relax any muscles that you notice are tense. Then think the words, “Blah. Blah. Blah” (don’t say them out loud). Pause a couple of seconds between each “blah” and pause for a few extra seconds after the third “blah.” Then repeat, “Blah. Blah. Blah.” Be the witness the thoughts. If it helps at first you can visualize the words spelled out in front of you as you think them. I also recommend that you pay attention to your body when you do it and relax any muscles you feel tense up.

While doing this, realize that You are not these thoughts. Instead, You are the awareness that “sees” these thoughts. Focus on that part of Yourself that realizes these are just thoughts. You are witnessing these thoughts occur. This creates a space between the thoughts and You. Once that space has been created you can rest with a still mind in that space, noticing any random thought that happens to go through your mind for what it is: a thought.

Take as long as you want to think and observe the “blahs,” but I would recommend spending at least 20 seconds or so. Then, I invite you to spend as long as you want resting in the space of silence you have created (maybe 5 minutes at first). If thinking the words helps you remain in the observer role, then by all means keep thinking them the whole time. Though it may seem silly and pointless at first, you’ve actually done something quite profound that most people never do. You have broken your identity with thought.

Most of us spend the majority of our waking moments so identified with our thoughts that we don’t even realize we are thinking. There’s nothing wrong with thinking, but when we are so identified with our thoughts that we loose ourselves in them, we become taken over by the mind (so to speak). By taking a few seconds out of the day a few times a day to do this practice, we break that cycle and connect with ourselves on a much deeper level.

It’s a great mental exercise and I recommend you do it when ever you feel stressed, worried, or realize that you are caught in habitual thought. You will likely begin to “catch” yourself thinking more often during everyday activities, which is a wonderful sign that you are becoming more present. As you begin noticing your habitual thoughts more often, you will probably find that blah, blah, blah summarizes them nicely.

When you do find yourself thinking a thought you would rather not be thinking, don’t scold yourself for it, just realize that it is a thought and nothing more. That’s all there is to do. In this way, this meditation can be done any time during the day or night without the need for the “blahs” simply by witnessing any thought that happens to be going through your mind.

There is another very simple and powerful technique that helps in day to day life which involves connecting with the body. It too can be done eyes open once you have done it a few times. Start by taking a deep breath and relaxing. Then, try to feel the tip of your finger. With your eyes closed, can you tell if it is still there? When you put your attention on trying to feel it from the inside, you can easily feel the aliveness in it either in the form of your pulse beating in it or even a tingly sensation.

Keep your attention here and then put your attention on your whole hand, then both hands. Once you feel the aliveness in your hands you can focus your attention on your feet, then proceed with other parts of your body until you feel the aliveness running through your whole body. Again, the point is to just spend a little time feeling the aliveness within different parts of your body from time to time throughout your day (without the need for needles being stuck in and out repeatedly). It is very simple and calms the mind dramatically. When you get more accustomed to the practice you can even maintain attention in some part of your body (such as your hands) while talking to someone, driving, or watching TV.

There are obviously hundreds of other ways people use meditation in their daily lives, but these are the two that I have found the easiest to use on a regular basis throughout the day. Connecting with your breathing and following the breath in and out is also a very easy and ancient form of meditation that I started out with a few years ago. However, the goal of all meditation is the same: To break the cycle of habitual thought and put us back in control. We then realize for ourselves that we are not our thoughts, which is truly liberating.
Be well,
Trey

Navigating the Switch

I hope you are doing well and enjoying the transition of the seasons as Fall begins to get situated. I wanted to share something that happened recently that may or may not interest you. A couple of weeks ago, a few days after my last seizure, I had what might be called an awakening experience that lasted most of a day. We were in the car on a beautiful day, and I was just taking in the scenery that I had seen before. I started to practice an eyes open meditation practice I had read about the day before, and as I released the thoughts that arose and relaxed muscles that I felt tensing, a strange sensation began to occur. It was the sense of fear almost like the stage fright you might encounter before making a speech. As it intensified, I felt some tension in my body as well. The sensation was almost like an aura that I might encounter prior to a seizure which only added to the fear of what was happening. Instead of trying to change the mental subject as I have done before when encountering this fear, I relaxed and surrendered into it.

At that point warm tingling sensations began to occur in my body. These grew more intense and felt almost orgasmic in nature. I was overcome with the feeling of joy and exhilaration. It seemed to escalate to a point and then even out as I took in the beautiful scenery around me which had become vivid and alive. I realized that I was seeing everything for the first time ever and that I was seeing it without a mental story or label attached to it. Everything made perfect sense without the need for thoughts to reconcile it. It was a sense of knowing that settled over me that allowed me to see the beautiful necessity in everything that is happening in the world, including wars and all forms of suffering.

As the full implications of this felt knowing flooded my body I was on the verge of tears. Not tears of sorrow but tears of joy. Before they started flowing I found myself quietly laughing to myself. It all made perfect sense. Though it was beyond what words could describe, it was like seeing how we are all perfectly connected in a way that makes us creators and products all at the same time. I had this sense that we are all part of a cosmic conspiracy to bring about this moment and to see and experience it fully. Everyone you ever come in contact with, and even those you don’t, regardless of how seemingly insignificant the encounter, is a part of this conspiracy whether they know it or not. The end goal of the conspiracy is to get us to awaken.

I also realized that everyone I see is actually a reflection of myself. They too are the same “thing” I am and the only difference is a perceived difference I’ve placed on them, which actually says more about me. None of these realizations were in the form of thoughts, as thought seemed to be relatively absent. Instead they were just known or felt. If ever a thought began to form, it was met with a sort of reassurance. For example, as I experienced a thought about being able to get back to this point I was reassured that did not need to concern myself with this and that I would be able to return again and again and that this was just a sample. This allowed me to remain present.

Interestingly enough, when my wife would ask a question or I was in some other way called upon to do something, I seemed to be able to snap out of it or regain control without losing my connection. The sense of joy and wonder remained in the background and available for me to step back into at will. I realized I was learning to negotiate the switch.

On the drive home I smelled a very potent dead animal smell. But before the mind could step in and label it as a “bad” smell it was realized that the only thing that made it a bad smell was past experience. Instead it took on a somewhat sweet smell all its own that was actually quite pleasant. Throughout the rest of the day I took great joy in whatever I did, whether it was doing laundry or feeding dogs. I was doing it all for the first time without any stories from days gone by. That night the dinner we ate was among the best I had ever tasted and I had to stop myself from savoring every bite with groans of pleasure as it was a bit much for my fellow diners ;)

In short, it was a great experience that I savored until I went to bed that night. The next day I woke up to my normal mental activity but with a residue of the pleasure I had encountered the day before. It faded over the course of the next day as I had work to do in preparation for our business trip. Though I have tried on a number of occasions since then to reconnect, I have not had much luck. I have also spent a fair amount of time mentally analyzing the experience knowing that it would not get me back to that point.

I was very fortunate to get to experience that which I’ve been reading about for the last couple of years and I realize that I am apparently not quite ready to live it on a full time basis. I recognize now that “it” is always here and can be experienced by anyone anytime if they are interested. I highly recommend it and look forward to being there (here) again in the near future. One thing I came away with that had to do with facing the fear that ultimately arises as you get to the edge is this: You’re doing it for humanity. That was one of a couple of notes I took during my ride home that may or may not have helped me fully surrender to what was about to happen. I wish you well in your journey.
Peace,
Trey

Epilepsy and acceptance

Hey,
As many of you already know I have had epilepsy for three years (as of this coming November). It is actually what started my original investigation into consciousness, and why I started an email list that you are now reading. For the last year and a half I have been working on getting my driving privileges back, which requires going 6 months without a seizure. Interestingly enough every time I make it 6 months I have another breakthrough seizure, typically in the form of a partial complex as opposed to a grand mal (the partial seizures are much easier to live with but still prevent driving). In fact it has been about a year and a half since my last grand mal.

Having said that, as of Monday night I had been driving for a about a week for the first time in a long time and enjoying being able to take myself places, without imposing on anyone, when I had a grand mal seizure. I had just returned home from deeksha, which I have done several times before, parked in the driveway and felt the tell tale signs of an aura starting. I made my way upstairs and said hello to my wife, Shelby, but the aura had gotten stronger. She could tell something was not quite right and told me to sit down. It was a very strange sensation compared to past partials and I knew something was not quite right when I started spilling water on the floor, which I did twice before sitting down.

The next thing I really remember was coming to with Shelby on the phone telling someone I had had a seizure. My brother soon showed up and I could sense that they were both worried about me and wanted to take me to the hospital. I was too weak and cloudy headed to communicate with them effectively, but could understand everything they were saying and made it clear that I did not think that taking me in was necessary. It took me close to an hour before I had regained my ability to communicate effectively and answer questions.

It was during this recovery time that I tried to sit up several times. They were concerned about me getting up and insisted that I remained seated, so I did. After my seizure, I was in somewhat of a forced state of acceptance. Someone wants to put some juice in my mouth. Okay. Someone wants to put essential oil on my temples. Okay. Someone wants to prevent me from standing when I want to stand. Okay. The outcome of that is a much more peaceful state than one of resistance and struggle, especially when those around you are concerned for your well being and doing what they think is best to help.

In the end, I had a headache, a little bit of nausea, a sore tongue from being bitten and a little fatigue, but I have definitely had worse. What I got in return was a better grasp on the essence of acceptance that I have read so much about and shared with you all.

The truth is that we have no control over what happens to us at any given moment. We are totally and always at the mercy of what is, regardless of the lengths we go to. Any semblance of control is just an illusion. That’s why I needed epilepsy in my life – to show me the many facets of acceptance that can’t just be read about and understood. One would think the lesson would be obvious since it is a disorder that removes your ability to control your mind and body from you periodically. But it is just now being fully digested by my analytical brain, or should I say allowed to pass through it.

We experience frustration when what we are experiencing is different from what we think we should be experiencing. No problems exist in a state of acceptance to what is. This also does not mean you should do nothing to pursue what it is your body feels it needs. In the case of epilepsy, I have been following the increasing medication route for some time now, and will be exploring the Vegus Nerve Stimulator implant that has helped many other people overcome seizures. So, you see, I can fully accept my present moment situation and still not resign myself to being stuck in that situation. Rather than hit a wall and try to climb or punch through it, it’s like hitting a wall, acknowledging its presence and then searching for a way around it while accepting every part of the wall you encounter on the way.

In all honesty I think my mind was too cloudy to be integrating all of this that night, but it has all made a great deal more sense in retrospect. Epilepsy found me because it was what I needed to see the world for all of the beauty it possesses when I don’t impose my beliefs on it. Call me thick headed ;)
Take care,
Trey

Conditional Happiness - War and Peace

Hey,
I hope this finds you all doing well and enjoying this September weather. I wanted to share these thoughts with you in honor of the upcoming International Peace Day (see PS for links to happenings). I tried not to get too side tracked but this topic seemed to lead my mind astray a few times. Let me know what you think.

Many of us are in states of conditional happiness, or at least contentment, a good deal of the time, some more often than others. This means that as long as things are going our way, or our life situation meets a certain list of criteria we have set up as prerequisites for happiness, we are happy or at peace. This manifests as people making sure these criteria are met and doing what they think will set the stage for continued happiness. But when things are not going our way, or certain criteria are lacking, we tend to be unhappy. This unhappiness, in whatever form it takes, is a form of war. We are at war with the way things currently are.

If we take the state of the war in Iraq as an example of this phenomenon, we see a country in chaos and conflict. We also have many people divided over the best way to proceed to bring an end to this war. As human beings we all want stability and peace but different people have different ideas about what peace looks like and how to bring about peace. Some think that using force to defeat those who oppose peace will bring about peace. Some think walking away from the conflict is the best way to bring about peace. There are obviously several different variations of these approaches, but in the end no one really knows for sure what will result in peace in Iraq.

War in the world leads to personal wars with what is. Many who are opposed to the war are struggling to bring an end to it as best they know how. Their happiness is currently contingent (at least in part) upon bringing an end to a war that has taken countless lives and promises to take countless more before it is all over. Many of those people believe that bringing home troops will bring about the end of the war and an end to their personal struggle and eventually happiness in their lives.

For others, their happiness may be somewhat contingent on bringing peace to Iraq by defeating those who are disrupting the peace. They hope to beat back the insurgents so that the Iraqi people can regain control of the peace themselves. These people are engaged in a personal war to see the outer war won and brought to a peaceful close.

In many respects, these two different camps of people are at war with each other because they see the opposing side as a hindrance to the closure they are seeking. They see the opposition as an obstacle to the personal happiness they are seeking. Those who disrupt our personal peace are often seen as the cause for our suffering.

In reality, the world we see around us is actually a mirror reflecting back what is going on inside us at any moment in time. This outer war, currently being fought predominantly in Iraq, serves as an example of the inner war we experience when things are not going our way. We are at war with what is and want to bring about peace through manipulating our outer environment and circumstances to meet our check list for happiness.

(On a side note, our dependence on foreign oil is another prime example of how we, as a collective, have become dependent on external circumstances for our perceived happiness. On this front we see a movement toward breaking our dependence on the external and seeking within for our independence, which is also very symbolic of what many individuals are doing at a personal level.)

However, we can not always control our outer circumstances, and if we could there would inevitably be someone with a different idea of what was needed for happiness who would disrupt our status quo. Therefore, being in a state of conditional happiness guarantees you will be unhappy.

Can we achieve a state of permanent unconditional happiness? If so, what can we do to bring about the permanent peace we all desire? What are your feelings about the answers to these two questions? We all have an arsenal of beliefs we have cultivated over the years that we are likely to turn to for help when asked questions like this. Beliefs are ineffectual when searching for truth as they keep you stuck in the past, where they were originally formed.

First, you have to ask yourself if you really want to live in a permanent and unconditional state of peace and happiness. Some may have enough conditional happiness in their lives that they don’t feel the need for more at this time, especially considering that they may have to give up some of those beliefs and judgments they have been protecting (and seemingly protected by) for so many years.

If you do want permanent peace in your life, look at those things that seem to disrupt your peace rather than avoid them. Your greatest teachers are often those which cause you stress, make you angry or create tension. These things are pointing you toward unresolved issues in your own life. Look deeply at the true cause for negative feelings to see if there is something there of any substance. More often than not all you will find are thoughts and beliefs about the way things are “supposed” to be.

When you find these thoughts, try doing The Work on them. Ask yourself: Is this (thought, belief, idea, statement, etc.) true? Can I really know if it is true? How do I feel when I believe this thought? What would I be without this thought? Then turn around the thought or belief to see if the opposite is more true than the thought you started with. Byron Katie suggests writing these statements down to ensure the mind does not circumvent the process, but the real thing to realize here is that our suffering is not caused by events or people in our lives. It’s all caused by our thoughts, which means we don’t have to change anything outside of us to be happy.

How can we bring about the end of war in the world? I’m not afraid to say I don’t know for sure. I have experienced periodic states of consciousness that have given me glimpses of the awareness beyond thought that connect us all (whatever you want to call that). I now realize that unconditional peace is real but that our attachment to, and identification with, our thoughts prevents us from experiencing it all of the time.

I still have my own set of thoughts and beliefs about the way of the world, but I realize that they are nothing more than thoughts are potential hindrances to my peace. I have seen that my mind is the sole source of conflict in my life, but I still need to remind myself now and then when conflict arises and remain mindful of my thoughts.

Can you create peace in the world without being at peace with yourself? I don’t know. Which is more true, “I can’t be at peace unless there is peace in the world,” or, “Be peaceful and there will be peace in the world?” It seems to me that making your peace or your happiness contingent on something external makes suffering inevitable, and when we suffer we tend to cause suffering. When we are at peace we tend to cause peace.
Peace out,
Trey

PS - If you are interested in doing more to radiate peace in the world, there are two links below you might find interesting as we approach International Peace Day (Sept. 21). Both are global in reach but local in participation.
http://westashevilleyoga.com/events%20series/events%20series.htm#Mala
http://www.commonpassion.org/

What am I?

Hey,
Have you ever asked yourself, “What am I, truly?” and then sought to actually find the answer? This is something suggested by Adyashanti, who is another enlightened teacher that takes a straight up, no holds barred approach to teaching people to find themselves. With this particular approach (which is referred to as the direct method) you would sit quietly and clear your head of thoughts (or ignore the ones that come up) and ask yourself some serious questions, then feel or experience the answer as opposed to thinking about it. Here are some of the questions I have been using in my practice: “What am I? What is it that is seeing these things around me? What is it that’s underneath or behind all of my thoughts and ideas about the world? What is truly behind my eyes looking out on the world?” Focus all of your attention on finding what it is that is really there underneath it all. You might be quite surprised at what you find.

In effect you are connecting with what is below or behind your senses to what it is that is truly there experiencing them. The idea is not to use the mind to label the things you are looking at, but to let go of the thoughts you have about them and focus your attention on that which is experiencing the world around you. As you do this you will likely see that it is not a “who” that is experiencing these things, but a “what.”

The mind may try to cover up the answer as it tries to remain the primary interpreter of the forms around you, but if you spend a couple of minutes focusing ever more deeply into what is really there, you will likely find that there is nothing there but a presence, a stillness, consciousness itself. This is what you truly are: pure awareness. What you are doing when you do this is turning your awareness back on itself, and in doing so becoming aware of your inner self. This is where our ultimate search for truth will eventually lead – inside.

Another thing you might also discover while connecting with your inner self (after doing it a time or two) is that this presence within you is also all around you. It permeates that which you are as well as that which you are seeing, hearing, feeling, etc. It’s all around you as well as within you. It has no borders. It’s always there and never goes away. Thoughts may hide it from view, but it’s ever present and it’s what connects us all. It’s what we all have in common and can be accessed at anytime.

Having spent some time lately just being, I can safely say that it (this state of being or awareness) is a very peaceful state. This is where all of the truly powerful teachings point and I now have a far better grasp of what it is all about, despite my mind’s constant drive to try to understand, analyze or describe it. Rather than go on I will just suggest that you try looking into what you truly are for yourself and see what you find.

On a final note, I have also started a temporary web page that has a few quotes and notes from four enlightened teachers that have greatly influenced me lately (see link below). Despite the fact that they are all pointing to the same place, I have found it very beneficial to have different perspectives on the subject. I will be sharing more of my experiences soon and would love to hear from you on yours. In the meantime, take some time now and then to stop and just be (as suggested by Gangaji’s teacher).
http://www.quedox.com/be/spiritualteachings.html
Peace,
Trey

A Thousand Names for Joy

The following are some selected quotes from A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie. I hope you enjoy.
Trey

I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.
-Preface

The apparent craziness of the world, like everything else, is a gift that we can use to set our minds free. Any stressful thought that you have about the planet, for example, shows you where you are stuck, where your energy is being exhausted in not fully meeting life as it is, without conditions. You can’t free yourself by finding a so-called enlightened state outside your own mind. When you question what you believe, you eventually come to see that you are the enlightenment you’ve been seeking. Until you can love what is–everything, including the apparent violence and craziness–you’re separate from the world, and you’ll see it as dangerous and frightening. I invite everyone to put these fearful thoughts on paper, question them, and set themselves free. When mind is not at war with itself, there’s no separation in it. I’m sixty-three years old and unlimited. If I had a name, it would be Service. If I had a name, it would be Gratitude.
P-87

All fear is like this. It’s caused by believing what you think–no more, no less. It’s always the story of a future. If you want fear on purpose, get a plan. Fear is not possible when you’ve questioned your mind; it can be experienced only when the mind projects the story of a past into a future. The story of a past is what enables us to project a future. If we weren’t attached to the story of a past, our future would be so bright, so free, that we wouldn’t bother to project time. We would notice that we’re already living in the future, and that it’s always now.
P-136

The Great Way is easy. It’s what reveals itself right here, right now. “Do the dishes.” Answer the email.” “Don’t answer the email.” It’s the great Way because it’s the only way. Whatever you do or don’t do is your contribution to reality. Nothing could be easier. Nothing else is required; you can’t do it wrong.
P-155

She lets all things come because here they come anyway; it’s not as if she had a choice. She lets all things go because there they go, with or without her consent. She delights in the coming and the going. Nothing comes until she needs it, nothing goes until it’s no longer needed. She is very clear about this. Nothing is wasted; there’s never too much or too little.
P-177

When you hide your flaws, you teach us to hide ours. I love to say that we are just waiting for one teacher, just one, to give us permission to be who we are now. You appear as this, big or small, straight or bent. That’s such a gift to give. The pain is in withholding it. Who else is going to give us permission to be free, if not you? Do it for your own sake, and we’ll follow. We’re a reflection of your thinking, and when you free yourself, we all become free.
P-193

When you revere a spiritual teacher, it’s yourself that you’re revering, because you can’t project anything but yourself... It’s a fine thing to love Jesus [or Buddha], but until you can love the monster, the terrorist, the child molester, until you can meet your wort enemy without defense or justification, your reverence for Jesus [or Buddha] isn’t real, because each of these is just another of his forms. That’s how you know when you are truly revering your spiritual teacher; when your reverence goes across the board.
P-240

I trust everyone. I trust them to do what they do, and I’m never disappointed. And since I trust people, I know to let them find their own way. The wonderful thing about inquiry is that there’s no one to guide you but you. There’s no guru, no teacher who, in her great wisdom, shows you the answers. Only your own answers can help you. You yourself are the way and the truth and the life, and when you realize this, the world becomes very kind.
P-247

We think that because Jesus and the Buddha wore robes and owned nothing, that’s how freedom is supposed to look. But can you live a normal life an dbe free? Can you do it from here, right now? That’s what I wan t for you. We have the same desire: your freedom. And I love that you’re attached to material objects, whether you have them or not, so that you can come to realize that ll suffering comes from the mind, not the world.
P-252

The litmus test for self-realization is a constant state of gratitude. This gratitude is not something you can look for or find. It comes from another direction, and it takes you over completely. It’s so vast that it can’t be dimmed or overlaid.
P-?

Beliefs Lead to Suffering

I just finished a wonderful book called A Thousand Names for Joy. It’s by a lady named Byron Katie who is in her sixties and “woke up to reality” (a.k.a. became enlightened) back in the mid eighties. I was previously unaware of her work, but am grateful that a friend suggested this book. It’s so nice to get a female perspective, and an altogether different perspective, on what it’s like to be enlightened and how we can all get there. It’s also wonderful to see how much it agrees with Eckhart Tolle. The bottom line is that acceptance of what is will set you free.

Katie, as she likes to be called, had the following observation about life after she awakened, which, by the way, took place while she was living in a halfway house for women, depressed to the point of being suicidal (a state that many enlightened folks underwent before their transition).

“I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.”
-Preface

She quickly developed what she calls The Work, which is a series of four questions that she uses to put thoughts and beliefs to the test, thereby transcending their hold on us. The Work has gained widespread popularity and she has been traveling the world to bring it to people everywhere (see http://www.thework.com for more, as well as my example at the end of this email). The four questions are:
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it is true?
3. How do I react when I believe this thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?

The steps are then followed by a turn around where various opposites of the thought are stated to see that there may be truth in the opposite of the truth, or at least see how we feel when we choose to believe the opposite of what we believe. The goal is finding the truth behind what we believe to be the truth.

I was lucky enough to see some real life examples of what I had learned from reading this book, as well as use the work on one of my long held beliefs, and what a wonderful thing it was. My wife and I were dining outside at one of our favorite local restaurants one evening. A couple sitting nearby on the patio had a couple of well behaved dogs with them (the restaurant typically allows dogs on the patio so it was not an uncommon site). At one point, one of the dogs decided to take issue with the waiter and began barking at him. The waiter quelled him with a treat and we all continued about our business. The dog barked a few more times at the same waiter, who continued to try to make friends with the dog. Eventually they figured out that it was the hat that was making the dog uneasy and eventually things settled down.

However, during this period of time one of the diners complained about the presence of the dog to their waiter. Management was notified and the staff, it appeared, were debating whether to ask the couple to remove the dog or just let them finish and leave (they were almost done with their meal). The dog had settled down and none of the other diners were really bothered by his occasional outbursts while he was having them. When the couple, who like most diners was unaware there had been a complaint made, finally left the man who had complained began clapping very loudly, I suspect hoping that he would be the start of a wave of applause throughout the patio. He was the only one who was so inclined and I suspect I was not alone in finding his behavior more disturbing than that of the barking dog.

As if that were not enough excitement for one evening, a little while later the couple at the table next to us began to wonder where their food was. They asked their waiter about the status and indicated that they were there before someone else who had just gotten served. He went back to check the status and came back empty handed. Before he could get the words, “Here’s what happened...” out of his mouth the man at the table stood up abruptly and said, “We have to leave! Come on, let’s go!” the waiter was trying to apologize for the mix up that had occurred in the kitchen, but the man didn’t wan to hear it. His female companion was calmly explaining that they were very disappointed while the man was saying, “And your food isn’t really that good.” or worth waiting on or something to that effect.

As you can see it was quite an evening. It made me tense witnessing both of these encounters and left me with an internal cringe that lasted a while. However, as I found myself confronted with passing judgement on these people, I immediately realized that their suffering was based on their beliefs about the way life should be. One man believed that the dog was a nuisance and that dogs should not be allowed on the patio. So it was not the dog’s presence that upset him, it was his thoughts about the dog’s presence. The couple next to us believed that they should have been served before someone who came in after them, which brought about their anger.

It helped me see that these real world examples of suffering are caused by all of the beliefs we have accumulated throughout our lives, but what’s more important is what I got to witness in myself (where it all begins). My initial impressions at the man clapping and the man leaving in a huff would have been, “What an asshole.” However, I accepted that they were doing only what they felt was right at the time thinking it would bring about what they wanted. Instead I had to look at the feeling of uneasiness that I had and see why it was there. I am obviously made uncomfortable by conflict but what thoughts do I have that might bring this about? Here was a chance for me to do the Work on myself.

It finally occurred to me that the reaction I experience had to do with the belief that people should be more tolerant. So, let’s put that to the test and see what happens.
People should be more tolerant.
1. Is it true? Yes.
2. Can I absolutely know that it is true? Well, it seems pretty true. The only thing that makes me hesitate from saying it’s absolutely true is that people are all on their own path and can not help it if they are not yet aware of the fact that their intolerance is causing them pain. So I guess I can not know for sure that everyone should be more tolerant even if it seems like a good idea.
3. How do I react when I believe that people should be more tolerant? I become uncomfortable with the way things are. I become worrisome. I get angry and indignant and judgmental.
4. Who would I be without the thought? I would be more accepting of others. I would not have internal conflict. I would be happier.

Now turn it around. People should not be more tolerant. They should be just the way they are now. People already are as tolerant as they should be. I should be more tolerant. The truth comes out in this step and the problem is realized to be one inside me and not caused by others. My lack of tolerance for less than tolerant people creates more intolerance in the world and makes me an unhappy camper when I am exposed to intolerance, thereby pushing me further away from my end goal. It’s simple but powerful Work that helps set us free from the thoughts that keep us from realizing our full potential. See what you think.
Take care,
Trey
PS - I’ll send you another email full of inspiring quotes from 1000 Names for Joy after this.